Page 130 of Iris
She stalks in and flicks the curtain before turning to me.
“Uh, thank you—” I say.
“Don’t thank me yet, Iris.” She crosses her arms, weirdly the most informal I’ve seen her. “I’d ask what you were doing there, but I have a pretty good idea.”
I recoil.
Yikes.
“Upstairs, you’ll find a bottle of new blockers, as well as various scented shampoos.” She breathes out a sigh and sits in an armchair, folding her hands. One of her servants comes in with drinks. She takes her cocktail, and I’m only slightly disappointed I’m given mint-rosemary infused water.
“I—”
“Don’t lie to me, Iris, dear,” she interrupts. “There’s no point. I’ve heard it all. It’s why I’m so good at doing it myself. Although, I try not to show off that talent most days.”
“So you’re not?—”
“There’s going to be a ball here, yes. And I wanted to speak to Black and Riven in person. Youmayhave been here all week to ride out your heat, and youmaybe helping me plan this event, but that won’t be able to cover everything. Do you understand?”
I nod and swallow. She’s talking about the marks and the mating. How she knows, I’m not sure how since my marks are covered by my jeans, but I know she knows. It’s in her eyes.
But the severity in her look softens, as does her tone. “Your mother will ask questions no doubt, and she is someone I do not want to lie to. So, you can be the one to explain why you didn’t have your heat at home.”
I nod, forcing uneasiness away.
Because Xavier and Killian are lower class, because they come as a pair, and work in underground dealings, everything about them is scandalous. As much as I want change, as much as I want to rebel, I can’t blow up my family. I can’t ruin the lives of any of them.
So it’s all just a thing that happened. I’ll have to reject the marks, the bond.
I don’t know how that even works, but it hurts to even think about.
Then again, maybe it is just a thing that happened and all they want is sex and the dirty thrill of…of what? A girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing? Gauche and eager to try but even I’m aware the thrill of new wears off.
I let out a breath and pull my bare feet up, wrapping my arms around my legs. The water sits on the elegant side table next to me, but I don’t want it. All it does is remind me of my age and lack of everything.
Sometimes I wish I was older, experienced. A woman with sophistication in my veins.
“Thank you for your help.”
“Miss Gardener,” she says, “don’t be in a hurry to be anything other than you.”
I scowl at her. “And if I don’t want to be?”
She takes a sip of her drink and tries to hide her smile. “It’s not something you can hide from, and you shouldn’t want to. I know it feels like your family wants you to be a perfect star for this Season, but it’s because they want you to find a mate. Find love.”
There are words unsaid, and they press heavy. “They…” I pause. “They want me to be someone I’m not.”
“Life isn’t straightforward or easy, but be mindful in your choices.” Pen takes another sip.
“I know. I just…I just feel trapped.”
She nods. “Believe me I understand.”
“I don’t want the life they want for me. I get it’ll help my sisters, save Mom heartache, but?—”
“Your mother’s more than just a mother. She’s a woman, and a strong one. Family is important. I do understand that. But perhaps… Perhaps you could find it in you to show what it is you want, to forge a new path. Or not. It’s up to you. Now, go have your shower and dress in something more you and then we’ll set up the rudiments of the upcoming ball here.”
I set my feet on the ground.
