Page 106 of Iris
But I don’t want to go there.
I don’t want what Violet had. Someone helping her through it without the sex. I want it how it’s meant to be.
And I want it with the men I choose to be with. Even just to fuck.
Even just for this.
“I’m where I want to be,” I whisper, pulling Xavier to me and kissing him. He takes my mouth with a hunger that unfurls more inside me.
Hunger. Need. Depraved desire.
I want to be taken by two men.
These men.
A bolt of pain hits, and I reach out to the source of relief, of what I know from the small tastes is more than just plain relief, it’s pleasure. They hold that, deep wells, for me.
I can almost hear that accented voice that softens the intonations I’m used to, that gives the words sensuality and the aural without sound is something my fevered brain’s come up with, but I crave that momentary scratching of my itch, the soothing of the pain.
Yeah, I can almost hear Xavier say,you don’t know what you’re saying, cupcake.
I kiss him again like his mouth holds the secrets to the universe and energy shoots through me. I turn, swaying, andgrab Killian’s belt, pulling him down, rubbing my breasts against him. “I’m wearing too many clothes. Everyone’s wearing too many clothes.”
“Iris,” he says, voice a warning.
“Don’t.” I put my finger on his lips and half turn. I throw out my arm and catch Xavier as he tries to get up. We’re all on the haphazard nest. I can see it through the blur and the need, haphazard because they need to get out and regroup.
I don’t want to let them.
Last thing I want is to be a girl who’s deemed virtuous by pain. This is for sex and I want sex. I’m not looking for a mate.
“Don’t,” I say again. “Xavier tells me I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You heard him?” Killian asks sharply. “Did you say that at her?”
I glance back as Xavier nods.
Thing is, it’s hard to hold onto the moments of clarity, my fish bowls filling with too much of everything and I’m being dragged to the bottom. I need these two with a physical pull. Not to have them is going to hurt more than heat, and my skin’s already burning.
“But I know. And I want you. I need you. Both of you. Now.”
I start to rip at my clothes and Xavier’s arms close around me as Killian wraps the big towel tight, hands fists in the soft material that to me is like sandpaper.
Because it isn’t what I need. Their hands. Mouths. The lick of their tongues and nip of their teeth.
A cock invading, fitting, taking for the first time.
Every part of that’s a sweetness a piece of material can’t ever hope to provide.
I whimper and kick at the towel but Xavier doesn’t let go.
“Stop that, brat,” Killian mutters. “You don’t think this is easy on us, right? Because we’ll take you. Any man will take you.”
“You’d kill them first,” I snarl.
True. The word slams into me. Xavier and I sigh at it.
“We’re going to make you comfortable and go until we’re under control.”
