Page 4 of Conflict Mediation
James' breathing was coming in shallow gasps, and his eyes were beginning to sting. He tried to pull his hands back, but Leon gripped him tighter, squeezing his hands until James was forced to look back up into his eyes. In that one instant, it felt like Leon saw everything. His eyes held confusion, curiosity, and for just a moment, compassion.
With just a blink, though, they shuttered completely, and James closed his own eyes, wishing he was anywhere but here.
Chapter Two
LEON
If he had known all it would take to break down the walls James “The Mensch” Bigley had was to hold his hands, Leon would have done it months ago.
Seriously, the guy was wound tighter than a conductor coil. Leon always suspected one day James would crack, and he’d just hoped he’d be able to catch the fireworks from afar.
Unfortunately, he was currently in the blast radius, and as James’ shoulders rose higher and higher, and his hands slicked with sweat, Leon had no clue what to do.
So, he decided to just push forward. That’s what he’d always done, and it had gotten him this far at least.
“I don’t care about your work or your team. None of that matters worth a damn to me in the long run. What I care about is if you stick up for the people who need sticking up for and have some integrity.”
James gave him the most pathetic looking eyes Leon had ever seen, and he very nearly fell for it. He’d seen the way James played the game, spouted the corporate lingo, and got what he wanted from the upper managers. He knew how to play the system well. Not that Leon didn’t know the same system. Hell, he’d had to learn it real quick when his father died and hismom could barely remember the name of the new man at their dinner table each night, let alone keep track of Leon’s grades and permission slips.
So, Leon had played the game. He’d gotten by with a few kind teachers and one encouraging coach. That is, until his mom brought home one too many homophobic schmucks, and Leon had had enough.
Leon adjusted his grip, his roughened skin dragging across the soft underbelly of James’ hands. It was clear James had never seen hard work before. Sure, he “worked hard” in his little cubicle, or so he claimed, but Leon would bet he’d never had to unload stock at two in the morning, build anything but his own ego, or spend Friday nights mopping up after drunk college kids instead of being out partying with them.
Leon couldn't help but laugh to himself. He’d caught a glimpse of Katherine’s diploma on the wall, proudly displaying her MSW from the prestigious university across the river. Leon’s last janitorial stint had been at that same university. A chance encounter with the head of the comp sci department had landed Leon the internship that got him his own degree. Unlike hers, though, his was lost somewhere in the bowels of his apartment, probably providing a nice cushion for his cat, Yarmen.
“Leon,” James started and the unmistakable shake in his voice had Leon’s heart softening just a smidge. “I truly have no idea what I did to upset you. I can’t apologize for something I don’t know I did, and I can’t work to rebuild my integrity, as you put it, if I’m not given a chance.”
Oh, but Leon had given him chances. After that first day, he’d hung around the fifth floor for days, waiting for James to say something, anything, to prove he wasn’t just as bad as everyone else. He had spectacularly failed at that task, and since then, they’d been collecting discontent between them faster than his overworked department collected password reset requests.
What was with the change in attitude now? Something had clearly happened when their hands had met. Was James trying to prove a point? That he could win at conflict mediation?
At this point Leon was about ready to just say what needed to be said to get out of here. But for some reason, the tightness in James’ shoulders and the clench of his small, suit clad biceps made Leon doubt there were ulterior motives.
“There’s something we like to say in counseling,” Katherine said, filling the silence Leon had accidentally allowed to lengthen. “Most conflicts are due to the four horsemen. Criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. Leon, I wouldn’t say you’ve been criticizing James, but you have been rather critical. In turn, this has caused him to become defensive, which is a natural response we have, but can often derail conversations. Now, though, you’re verging on stonewalling, and I don’t think you really want to do that. Why don’t you take a moment, look into James’ eyes, remember why you’re here today, and try to answer his question as directly as you can.”
Leon had been doing very little except staring into James’ eyes. They were a rather boring blue he’d seen on a hundred men like him before, but as James glanced around nervously Leon had to admit they were a nice contrast to his dark eyelashes. His hair was a bit too well kept, in direct opposition with Leon’s own locks. His next door neighbor’s kid was studying cosmetology, and he let her have a fresh go at his hair every few weeks. While he thought James and his buttoned-up style could use a bit of a “Hailey fix”, he had to admit the cropped style did flatter his softer jawline.
Wait… what was he supposed to be thinking about? Right. Why they were here. He set his jaw and straightened his shoulders.
“The day we met, Antonelli was introducing you around, and when you both came up to me, he…” Leon wasn’t one to cursein front of mixed company. His mam had done a piss poor job of raising him, but his bubbe had taught him that much at least. He’d slipped up earlier, but he did his best to toe the line now. “He made a nasty dig at me and Conroy being gay, and you went right along with it.”
Antonelli was James’ schmuck of a boss who liked to make thinly veiled homophobic and racist jokes. He was careful who he did it around, but back when James was hired, Antonelli would often say provocative shit around the new hires to get a sense of their character. Leon had seen all he’d needed to that day of James’ character. He had not only laughed at the joke, but he’d given Leon a look he knew all too well.
Growing up, his mam would give him that same look when her latest guy would make a dig at Leon over frozen pizza or cheap takeout. That look told him to toughen up, to stand on his own two feet because no one was going to do shit for him.
Leon had tried to fight back. He’d started lifting weights with the guys after school. Maybe if he was more of a “man” he’d be taken seriously. Sadly, the snide comments and insults continued to play a central role in dinner conversations, so he’d gotten some ink done at his buddy’s shop.
When not even a barbed wire tattoo around his neck made a difference he’d stopped trying to change the way they and everyone else looked at him.
“I… I…” James stuttered, his eyes frantically flicking between Leon and the wall behind him.
“You can’t tell me you don’t remember,” Leon said, rolling the tension out of his left shoulder. He still picked up the occasional overnight shift at his local grocery store to pay the bills. He’d worked hard for his city apartment, but it wasn’t cheap, and while his hobbies and tastes weren’t lavish, he liked to keep Yarmen stocked on the finest food and litter. That andthe physical labor kept the loneliness away at night and didn’t hurt his physique.
“I… no, I do remember. It was pretty shocking that he would say something like that right up front but, Leon, I wasn’t trying to start a fight on my first day of work. I figured–or, well, I mean, I hoped maybe it was an inside joke so I laughed awkwardly and tried to move on, for your sake and for mine.” James dipped his chin towards his chest. In the brief flash of blue Leon saw, he could have sworn James’ eyes were glistening.
“You thought it was, what… a joke between bros? That I like my sexuality and my life ridiculed–”
“I thought maybe you would be braver than me and say something!” James burst out.
