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Desperationis such an accurate choice of words to describe the pain and yearning of being with Will but notbeingwith Will.
“I… but I do, too. Have feelings for you. And I’m desperate for you, too.” The stinging in my eyes becomes nearly unbearable before I feel the first tear on my cheek.
“Then what the fuck are we doing, Bridget?” he asks, slinking his arms around my waist, pulling me in so tightly I can barely even breathe. Though maybe it isn’t the way he’s holding me that’s keeping oxygen from flowing into my lungs. Maybe it’s the fact that my heart is so full there’s simply no room for it in my chest cavity. Maybe this love has grown so large there’s no room for anything else.
“I don’t know what we’re doing. But I know what I don’t want to do.” I sniff, my hands traveling up his shoulders to link my fingers behind his neck.
“And what’s that?” He kisses away a tear, and then another.
“I don’t want to be friends-with-benefits anymore. Or friends. I mean, we can be friends—I think it would be nice to be friends with your partner. But I don’t want us to be together as anything other than being a couple. I want to be your girlfriend and I want you to be my boyfriend.”
It’s a risk to use the proper terminology before we’ve even been on a single official date, but in the spirit of not settling and being overtaken by the joy of this moment, I decide going for broke is the only way to play this. If there ever were a time to put it all out on the table, it’s now.
For a split second, my stomach tightens in knots, and the fear of rejection begins to wash over me. But then, Will’s smile turns into something truly blinding, filling every corner of my being with light.
“I wholeheartedly agree with everything you just said.” He leans down to press his lips to mine, holding me tighter than he ever has before.
When I sink into the best kiss of my life, I realize he doesn’t know I’m not going anywhere. The way he grips me to him is almost like he’s scared someone will snatch me away from him any second now—or that I’ll run away. But Will doesn’t realize that this is it for me—I’m already his. And I can’t let him go a second longer without him knowing. So I tell him with the way I press myself into him. I tell him by reaching up higher on my tiptoes to get to his lips better. I tell him by moaning when I feel his tongue swipe against mine and his dick harden against my stomach.
He moves down to kiss my jaw, trailing kisses down my neck, pushing my top’s strap off my shoulder, exposing it so he can nibble and kiss there.
“You’re so beautiful,” he groans into my skin, his voice gravelly as he speaks. “You’re always so fucking beautiful, but tonight is one of those nights where it hurts to even look at you.”
Suddenly, I realize something in horror. Will moves back up to kiss me again, but I stop him with a hand against his lips. “I have a date tonight.”
He pulls back, expression fierce. “What? No, you fucking don’t. Unless it’s with William Jacobs and it involves a bed and lots of sex and great takeout, no you fucking don’t. You need to cancel.”
I sigh. “ObviouslyI don’t want to go on this date with Declan?—”
“Dr. Sloane.” he interrupts, clearly not enjoying the familiarity.
“—and I’m obviously going to cancel when he gets here but he’s due any minute and?—”
The buzzer on my intercom goes off, and we freeze. I look up into Will’s eyes, into the pool of melted dark chocolate I could throw myself into, and he stares back down at me.
“You need to go, Will. You can’t be here.”
“If you think for one fucking second I’m going to be okay with this, then?—”
I sigh. “Of course you won’t. Because I wouldn’t either. I just need to…” I begin to pull away, and for a moment, his grip tightens, unwilling to let go. But after half a second, he reconsiders. “I need you to leave, take a couple of walks around the block. When you come back, he’ll be gone, and we’ll be ready to start something new. Therightway.”
“I don’t want to leave you alone here with some other guy and?—”
“Will.” I peck him once in an effort to silence him, and it works. “You were right. I don’t owe him this date, but I do owe him some respect. As a human and as the man who saved Ginger’s life.” We both turn to look at my cat, who watches our interaction from her seat. “I am not going to do this in front of you. It wouldn’t be fair to him.”
Will exhales deeply once and nods. “It gets harder to leave you the more I know you, is all.”
I smile and kiss him on the cheek. “Ditto.”
WILL
It’s been three blissful weeks of Bridget and Will. Sure, Bridget and Will have existed before. Independently. Then as friends. Then as friends-with-benefits. But never as a unit. As Bridget-and-Will. As something said almost in the same breath, one word, one meaning.
Three weeks of the same things they had before, without hiding the way they feel about each other.
Everything is ten times better. Everything is ten times more visceral.
Everything is her.
