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“I had fun, too.”
This is our new normal.
WILL
At least she’s still in his life. At least he didn’t lose her.
He just needs to learn how to live with the pain of having her while not having her.
18
OLD FRIENDS DON’T ALWAYS MAKE GOOD FRIENDS
Monday morning progress report meetings used to be my favorite part of the week. It’s the one time where all teams involved in the development and production process of a collection sit together to talk about where we’re at.
Each team presents their updates, challenges, and to-dos, and every time I’m left in awe by everything that goes into making a single article of clothing. Inspiration, sketches, sourcing, packaging design, factory scheduling, pricing, tariffs, shipping, allocation, quality control, distribution, and so much more. After my first meeting, I couldn’t go into a store without picking up an item and losing myself in thoughts of all that went into the product, how it got to this exact shelf in this particular store. Why was it placed in this location and who picked the merchandising style.
I loved it. Past tense. At least, I’m not loving it today.
Today, I’m distracted, detached. Bored, even, as I pick at my cuticles. I’m not listening to Molly as she talks about updated sketches based on the client’s feedback from last week. I don’t care about what Noel, our head of sourcing, says as he talks about ordering extra material. I wince when Lena introducesmynew idea to the team, ignore the way her voice tightens when she says it was Jenna’s.
Today, I don’t care. I’m much more interested in my nail polish and how I’m due to give myself a manicure. I mean, Jesus, it’s peeled and gross. I can’t come into work with these gnarly claws. Picking out a nail polish color in my head right now takes higher priority than taking notes on whatever everyone is saying, in my opinion. I can ask people for updates later on an individual basis.
Not gonna lie, I’m so lost in my thoughts, conflicted over going for a classic neutral like Ballet Slippers (a little boring) or something more daring like Vamp (more appropriate for fall) that I barely notice when people begin to pour out of the conference room. Worst of all, I barely notice Lena looming over me, hands on her hips as she glares down.
“Oh, hey.” I get quickly to my feet. “Great meeting.” I try for a smile, but the look of thirst for murder in her eyes stops me dead in my tracks.
“Really? And how exactly would you know?”
“I…” Icouldlook for an excuse for having checked out. But Lena is so good at reading through someone’s bullshit, it would be a joke to even try.
“My office. Now.”
I suppress a sigh and follow her out of the conference room and into her office, mentally preparing myself for the worst.Well,I think, this truly would be the cherry on top of it all, wouldn’t it? Losing my job after getting my heart broken. Super.
When she takes a seat behind her desk, she stares at me for a moment, the look in her eyes intense. Instead of anger, though, it’s filled with concern. “What’s wrong with you? This isn’t like you.”
I sputter a humorless laugh. “Are you joking? Did you seriously ask me what was wrong with me?” I’m playing with fire, talking to her like this, and I can tell she wants to tell me off by the way she presses her lips together. The way she frowns.
“If this is about what happened Friday with Jenna?—”
I cut her off and throw my hands in the air in exasperation. “Of courseit’s about that. What else would it be?” I mean,Iknow that the situation with Will didn’t make the work thing easier, but she doesn’t know that.
She purses her lips, narrows her eyes at me, and nods. “I’m not usually a touchy-feely boss. I think you already know that though, from experience and probably from what your coworkers have shared. But I just want to make something clear: you’re different. I see a lot of potential within you. An internal strength I don’t thinkyoueven realize you have yet. I need you to not let this get to you, Bridget. I need you to keep your head up. Because you’ve got a natural instinct and passion for this and for doing a job well done. And we both need that.”
I look away, tears threatening to make an unwelcome appearance. I’ve been crying so much lately. More than I ever have. Even more than when Gran passed and I was left all alone in this world. When I feel something warm fall on my hand in my lap, I curse under my breath, hating myself a little for breaking down in front of my boss.
“If you believe so much in me, how can you just stand by and let Jenna take credit for my work? I’m a baby at this company; you’re not. You’re wildly respected and feared and people trust you and your point of view. And you just… get here on Monday morning with a smile on your face and pretend like everything is super? Like I’m just supposed to move on like nothing happened? I’mhurt, okay? By Jenna, this company,”—by Will—“but by you, too. How can you just let her do that to me? I thought I could trust you. You’re supposed to be my mentor.”
Maybe it’s because I’m a little bit broken right now, but I’m starting to think Will was right: there is no silver lining to this. I was screwed over by my bosses and that’s it.
Her brows rise. “Mentor? You consider me your mentor?”
I roll my eyes and wipe my cheek of the tears streaming down my face. “That’swhat you took from this? I mean, Jesus, we already live in a world where men want to take everything from us. Are we going to let women do it, too? Where’s your sense of solidarity? Why are you being so cool about this? I thought she did the same thing to you. You should be outraged.”
Lena sighs and nods. “Iamangry. Iamoutraged. But if you haven’t realized that this industry is very much like a game, then you’re more naive and green than I thought you were.” She gets to her feet and walks around her desk. Sits on the edge and looks down at me, her face somber. “Listen, I need you to believe me that not doing anythingisin your best interest right now. That pretending like everything is good is the right move. Mostly, I need you to trust me, Bridget. I promise you I will not let this slide. You just need to understand this isn’t one of those situations where you can walk in, guns blazing, and demand justice. This is about games and politics and it sucks, but it is what it is. Just… trust me, okay? I’m making some moves. And that’s all I can say.”
I sniffle and look away, digging my nails into my arms to keep myself from saying anything more.
