Page 43 of Fall Into You
Guru coughs uncomfortably at the awkward exchange between us and asks, “What are you doing at a hospital event?”
“Oh, I came here with a date,” I say in a low voice, glancing nervously at Matt who takes a deep, sharp breath.
“Yeah, Vinny told me you and that professor broke up. Is this guy your new boyfriend? Is he a doctor?” He elbows me in the ribs, teasing me. “I need to meet him.”
Shit.
“He’s a donor, actually,” I lie smoothly. If I say he’s a doctor or a hospital administrator, I have a higher chance of getting caught up in a lie, whereas a donor could be someone completely random.
“Oh, wow. He must have some deep pockets then. Is he around? I’d love to meet him and report back to Vinny.” He winks at me.
Oh my God, no.
“Actually…” I lean a little closer to Guru like I’m telling him a secret. “Would you mind not saying anything? You know how Vinny can get, and Ijuststarted seeing this guy. I don’t want to scare him away.” I try to smile my most convincing and alluring smile, hoping it works.
“Of course. I totally get it. I’ve heard how protective he is,” he laughs.
I force a smile and chance a look at Matt, still quiet. He’s unmoving, arms behind his back, staring off over my shoulder. “Well, I’m gonna head off. He’s waiting for me outside. Good to see the both of you.”
“Bye.” Guru kisses me on the cheek, and Matt shakes my hand (???), grunting out a pathetic goodbye.
Great. This is just great. I can just imagine what tonight is gonna be like.
I turn around and make my way out of the building, wondering whether I should wait for him to come outside or meet him at my place. I get my coat from coat check and wait by the line of taxis in front of the building. I wait a couple of minutes before texting Matt that I’m here and asking him whether I should just head home or whether I should wait for him a little longer.
Just as I’m about to press send, I hear him behind me. “Hey.” His voice is low, his brows furrowed. “Let’s get a taxi,” he says quietly as he raises his hand in the air, calling a yellow cab to him without making any sort of eye contact with me.
He’s trying to rein it in, but I can tell that he’s fuming, frustrated that, once again, we had to pretend we were nothing to each other. He’s angry—at me, at the situation. I know that he’ll push again tonight, that he’ll plead with me to come out to my family. And I know I’ll say no. I’ll end up hurting him even though I don’t want to. He’ll say it’s not fair to him—and he’s absolutely right. And then he’ll get tired and leave me for it.
As upset as I can tell he is by this whole situation, he’s still gentleman enough that he holds the door open for me, shutting it softly behind me. He walks around the car to the other side to get in so I don’t have to scoot in farther. I want to thank him but am scared of being the first one to talk, wanting to save the fight for when we’re at my place.
I reach out to grab his hand in the cab, and he lets me take it but looks out the window at the city, bright lights flashing by as we make our way to the Upper West Side. We say nothing the entire way to my apartment, remaining quiet even throughout the elevator ride. He says nothing, avoids my gaze, and is stiff-cold while still being polite and gentlemanlike. I hate it.
I finally lose it when we get home, and he removes his jacket as he walks into the kitchen.
“Aren’t you going to say something?” The tone of my voice is pretty abrasive, and I know I’m playing with fire here, but fuck it. If I need to provoke him to get him to talk to me, then I will.
“What would you like me to say?” His eyes are like daggers when they finally meet mine. He serves himself a glass of water and takes a sip from it, looking fierce.
“I’d like to at least discuss this.” I follow him into the bedroom and watch him sit on the edge of the bed as he unlaces his shoes.
“Discuss what? How I’m fucking tired of this lying and sneaking around? How we just narrowly avoided getting caught by your brother’s business partner?” He throws his hands in the air in frustration. “This whole thing is fucking ridiculous, Liza. I’m tired of hiding and holding back.”
“You know why it has to be like this. It’s only while we figure stuff out.”
“Well, I’ve figured my shit out. I know how I feel about you.I’mready for this. And I’m tired of the fact that I can’t have one fucking night with my girlfriend where I don’t feel like a fucking criminal.Jesus, Liza!” he says, tossing a shoe at the chair in my room. I wince. He exhales and puts his elbows on his knees, face in his hands. “I don’t know what to say.”
“It’s the first time you’ve called me that—out loud,” I say, both sidetracking but actually wanting to talk about it.
It works, because Matt stops to look up at me, confused. “Sure I have.”
“No.” I shake my head, crouching in front of him, sliding my hands up his arms to his wrists. “You introduced me as your date tonight, not your girlfriend. You’ve never called me your girlfriend before.”
He drops his hands. “Well, isn’t that what you are?”
“I hope so.” I smile. “I really liked you saying it.” It’s true. He makes me feel like I’ve been hit by lightning in the most incredible way, skin electric, mind racing, heart beating out of my chest.
He cups my face with a hand and kisses me softly. “Good. I like it too.” I press my forehead to his and smile. “I’m sorry I’m upset,” he sighs. “We were just having such a good time, and then I was reminded about this whole stupid thing.” He exhales, and I brace myself for the inevitable ultimatum that I feel coming my way. He’s going to tell me that it’s time to come clean, that he’s tired of me being scared and that I’m just going to have to deal with it, that he doesn’t like ultimatums but it’s just what needs to be done.
