Page 68 of In For a Penny
He blinks at me quietly before saying anything. “A date?” he asks hesitantly as he sets a plate of eggs, French toast, and sausage in front of me. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
Am I ready for that? Who cares whether I’m ready for it or not? I should be, shouldn’t I?
“I’m not sure.” I shrug my shoulders, replying honestly. “But maybe I just need a palate cleanser. I need to start dating again eventually,” I say, taking a huge bite. “It would be like ripping off a Band-aid.
“It’s like the pancake theory,” I say. Oliver looks quizzically at me, so I explain. “It’s like when you’re making pancakes. You haven’t made them in a while, and the first one always ends up burnt, or deformed, or whatever. But then the second or third are perfectly golden brown and delicious. I need to find myself a first pancake.”
“You’re insane,” he sighs, exasperated. “But why doIhave to set you up on a date? Can’t you use a bloody dating app like any other normal human being?” he asks nervously.
I hate dating apps.
“Dating apps are lame. They’ve never worked for me. I either get cat-fished or stuck with a weirdo. I need someone with references, someone a friend can vouch for.” He snorts. “Come on, please?” I beg and pout. “You know more people in the city than me—people who aren’t in our class. Just set me up with someone. Filter him out. We can double-date with Lucy. Didn’t you say she was coming into town today or something?”
“She canceled,” he says. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes,” I groan. “Do it.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I don’t know, Penny. I think this is a mistake. I think you know who I want to set you up with, who everyone wants to see you with.” He sighs, and I pretend to not know what he’s talking about. “I love you, but I think you’re inmassivedenial.”
I smile sadly at him. “Can I tell you a secret?” I ask. “I don’t think I’m in denial anymore.”
Oliver grins in triumph, but it’s short-lived. “What’s the problem, then? Why not just ask Josh out if you think you’re ready to start seeing other people?” He raises his voice slightly, frustrated at me.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this.
In a way, Josh would be the perfect guy for me. He’s cute and funny and whip-smart. We can spend hours talking about important things like the current state of the world or debate whichMighty Ducksmovie was the best (D2, obviously). And excluding the most recent awkward silences due to an inexplicable pressure in my stomach whenever I’m around him in certain circumstances, we can also spend an entire afternoon in comfortable silence. He always takes care of me, but it’s because hewantsto take care of me. He actuallylikesdoing it—even if it annoys me, even if it makes me feel weak sometimes. When he holds me, and I breathe him in, it’severything(and yes, it freaks me out).
Joshknowsme, knows me to the core, and I know him. Being in a relationship would never be boring.
But that’s the thing.
It would quickly turn into a relationship. And I don’t exactly want one now. I don’t think I’m ready to jump into that again.
“Oliver,” I start. “Yes, Josh is special. And yes, I do admit that I have feelings for him. But…” I pause. “Josh is the type of guy you marry—not the guy you mess around with.”
He starts to interrupt me, but I hold a hand up and stop him.
“Youknowhe is, Oliver. You know that. And I’m not ready for that yet. Not just quite yet. I’m not going to ruin that friendship or my shot at happiness over something as capricious as rushing into a relationship I don’t exactly want now. Call it…delayed gratification.”
Oliver narrows his eyes at me in suspicion. “What if you miss your shot? What if he starts seeing someone else seriously, and he’s gone for good? He’s a great guy, Penny. He won’t be around forever.”
I smile, a little nervous. Maybe he knows something I don’t?
Is he dating Eloise?? Why have I been unable to figure that relationship out???
Not knowing is driving me crazy.
“I know. And if he finds someone else, then…good for him. I would just hope we could still be friends.”
He shakes his head at me. “You’re wrong.”
Smiling, I pat his hand. “You’re such a good friend, you know that? You still champion for him, despite the fact that you know me dating Josh would mean you wouldn’t be able to sleep with me anymore.”
Oliver snorts. “I know, I’m a saint.” I snort. He takes a deep breath. “So, you’re sure about tonight?”
I take a bite of sausage before replying, “Absolutely. Set me up.”
He rolls his eyes in disgust, and I laugh. He looks at me through narrowed eyes, like he’s waiting for me to break. “I’m fine. Really. I just need to move on, and I need that first pancake before I get a good one.”
