Page 62 of In For a Penny
I was so close.
I must not have set the timer properly!
Oliver sighs and quickly reaches for a chair by the kitchen table to stand on under the smoke detector. I hop off the counter and wrap myself up in my robe. What a freaking mood-killer.
He’s fiddling with the device, while I pull the chicken nuggets out of the oven when Allie runs out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. She freezes by the door and takes in the scene. Smoke is everywhere, I’m in my robe, and there is a nearly naked man standing on a chair in the middle of the room.
“Oh my God,” I say, turning to her.
“What the hell are youdoing, Penny?” she asks, clearly and fully justifiably annoyed. Allie runs to open the window in the hopes of clearing some of the smoke.
“I amsosorry, Allie. I didn’t even know you were here!” I take a deep breath. “We were just making food and… I didn’t mean to wake you with the smoke detector.” I’m shaking my head.
She looks over to Oliver and blushes. “That’s not what woke me,” she says quietly.
“Oh my God, no.” I feel myself blush a deep red, knowing immediately from her expression what she means.
No, no, no, no.
“Pleasetell me you didn’t hear… Oh God!” I practically wail as I see her expression change into a grimace, and she shakes her head.
“Please stop. Don’t even finish that sentence,” she says, barely able to meet my eyes.
KILL ME NOW.
Oliver finally manages to silence the device and jumps down from the chair, pulling me hastily in front of him, his hands on my hips. I’m briefly confused as to why he positions me this way to cover his body, since he’s usually so confident about it, until I feel him behind me.
I bury my face in my hands, mortified. “How are you still hard?” I whisper-yell over my shoulder. “This literally can’t get any worse. Can you not see what’s happening right now?” I ask him as I feel him shake with laughter.
“Oliver, I presume.” I look back to Allie and feel Oliver nod behind me. She’s avoiding any sort of eye contact with me.
“Nice to meet you,” Oliver says, sticking his right hand out from behind me.
Allie looks at his outstretched hand but doesn’t shake it.
“I’m sorry. I thought you said you were going out with that Trevor guy again, and I guess I assumed you would be out much later or come home tomorrow,” I say. “I’ve been home for a while. I didn’t hear you come back from your date.”
Her reply is low, as if she’s embarrassed. “Well, he canceled. So…”
“Oh,” I reply. “Well, that’s okay.”
“Just…” she says quietly. “Can you make sure to clean up? Before you go to bed?”
“Yes, absolutely. Go to bed. We’ve got it covered,” I say quickly.
This is awful.
Allie starts walking toward her bedroom but stops. “Can you…” she starts to ask nervously. “Can you also make sure you fully and deeply clean the area where…you guys…I mean, where you were…” We both grimace. “You know. There’s a cleaner with bleach under the sink. Don’t use the regular one.”
Oliver buries his face in my neck, shaking, still failing to contain his laughter. He’s not hard anymore, but he’s a fucking asshole, so I elbow him in the stomach.
“Yup, yup. I promise. I’ll take out the cleaner right now and do it. Yup, you can go to bed now.”
She walks into her bedroom and shuts the door. Oliver bursts out laughing, and I turn to slap his stomach.
“Stop it! It’s not funny! That was so awkward.” I bend over and pull out the ultra-strong cleaner, as requested, and toss it to Oliver. “Start spraying, my friend.” He catches it and starts to spray along the counter.
First awkward sex-related encounter with my roommate. It was bound to happen. We’ll get over it. I’m sure. Eventually.
