Page 5 of In For a Penny
“You have to go, Penny. You need to carve your own path, and so do I. I think we’ll resent each other if we start making all these professional decisions based on each other.
“Go to London, go to grad school truly on your own, and then come back to me if you’ll still have me.”
“I’ll always want you. Forever.”
Pathetic, Penny. So pathetic. Ever heard of playing hard to get? Who would ever want someone as needy as you?
But he smiles. Austin doesn’t think it’s pathetic.
“I have to do the same thing, Penny. I have to decide where I am going to do my MBA and focus on my job. And if we stay together, I won’t have the strength to do what’s best for my career and us.” He pauses. “Let me get settled in life. Let me figure my shit out so we can fit neatly together after and then I can give you the world. We both know we want to be together, but we have so much growing up to do first.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until I find myself sniffling.
Fuck. I don’t want to cry.
“Yes,” I say. “Just take me home, please.”
We stop outside my building, having not spoken since our confession in Central Park.
“When do you leave?” he asks.
“Two weeks,” I reply quietly.
He nods and hands me an envelope. “Here. Take this. Read it when you need it.” He starts to walk away, head down.
“Austin?” I call out to him.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t fuck any of my friends.” I smile weakly.
He chuckles. “No worries, babe. I’m notthatbig of a dick.” I watch him walk away from the front door of my building until he’s out of sight.
Looking up, I stare around at the buildings in my neighborhood, thinking of everything I’ll be leaving behind. I think about not having authentic New York City bagels with cream cheese and lox for breakfast. I even think about every crazy experience I’ve had on the subway and the interesting people I see on a daily basis. I think about all the museums and theatres and everything this city has to offer every damn day—that one place in Morningside Heights that makes the giant pizzas, the way the orange light sunshine hits the fall leaves in Central Park, Chelsea Market, the shuffleboard place with the food truck in Williamsburg, and how fucking beautiful the city looks at night.
People say that New York is overrated, but I think it’s because they never got to live it the right way.
Although I do ache at the thought of leaving this city behind, I agree that a change might be what my life needs now, whether I like it or not. There’s so much more to look forward to on the horizon—or at least that’s what I’m telling myself. I’m not too happy with my (hopefully) temporary breakup, but a move to London might not be the worst thing in the world.
I breathe in the muggy summer air and take in the city night. I’ll be saying bye to it soon.
New York, I love you.
