Page 30 of In For a Penny
“Oh, believe me, it happens more often than you think. I once made it all the way to D.C. while my bag enjoyed a nice little overnight trip in Penn Station’s Lost and Found room.”
He laughs and shakes his head at me, taking the bottle from my hands. “Alright. All we need are cups now.”
“Good point,” I say. Being so open with Josh is already affecting me. The idea of sharing a bottle with him and putting my lips where he puts his physically makes me sick with anxiety. “We need cups.”
Definitely.
We end up re-using theStarbucks cups from the coffees we have on hand. Pro-tip: never ever, ever,everuse used coffee paper cups to drink warm champagne from.
Despite the nastiness of the coffee-flavored, cheap-tasting sparkling wine, we power through because, “We’re on an adventure!”as I keep reminding Josh every time he gags or winces as he swallows down the shitty champagne.
We grow quiet after some time, exhausted from our day’s excursions and tipsy from the world’s worst-tasting sparkling wine in the history of time. I gaze pensively out the train window, looking out onto the English countryside with the sunset as a backdrop. It takes my breath away.
Damn, I love it here.
I realize I haven’t thought of New York City or the life I left behind in ages. I love New York. It’s where I grew up and fell in love and where most of my life seems to be. Lately, however, I’ve started to feel a stronger pull to what I’ve slowly been building here. My life in London isn’t perfect, but it’s also not riddled with bad memories of heartbreak and questionable loyalties.
When I look toward my future, I’m not sure where I’ll be professionally, but I shock myself when I realize that I’m starting to see London as a place to set roots. My dreams of owning and living in a brownstone on the Upper East Side in Manhattan or a house in upstate New York have been replaced by one of living in a penthouse apartment in West London.
The life I previously imagined for myself does not exist and will never exist, and I think I’ve come to terms with it. I need to carve out a new path. I’m not sure exactly what it looks like from here, but I am not worried about it anymore. I refuse to continue to feel powerless over my emotions or future. I’m tired of feeling anxious about not knowing what comes next for me in life.
I take a deep and calming breath, exhaling loudly, causing Josh to turn and look questioningly at me.
“I’m done being sad,” I say with finality.
He smiles at me and needs no further explanation than that. He knows exactly what I mean.
