Page 108 of In For a Penny
New Year’s Eve – New York City
Hiding in a corner at myfamily’s party, I chug my second glass of champagne.
“You know, you’re not supposed to do that until midnight,” my brother Simón says.
I snort. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll have another when the ball drops, bro.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He raises a black bushy eyebrow.
Both my brothers look like me, minus the chemically altered hair color—I’m definitely not a natural blonde. But Simón and I are so similar that we could pass for twins. We both have strong eyebrows and our father’s square jawline (which I think fits him better than it does me), same dark-brown eyes and slightly toasted skin. We’re almost even the same height. There’s definitely no questioning that we’re related.
I don’t know whether that’s a good or bad thing, but whatever. There are worse things than looking like Simón.
He leans against the wall next to me and crosses his arms, looking out at the crowd.
“How’s therapy going?” he asks.
Simón is the only member of my family who I’ve told what happened these last few months with Tom and Josh. I called him the day after Thanksgiving, crying, and he found me a counselor to help guide me through recovery. One of his friends is a social worker who offers teleconference sessions, and I was able to secure two a week for the past month. We talk on Mondays and Thursdays, in the afternoon, and she’s been amazing at helping me unpack and work through everything that’s happened in the past eighteen months.
“Amazing. She’s amazing. Thank you.” I smile and squeeze his hand. “Camila’s been kind of lifechanging.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, she’s great.” He sighs, his look far away.
I cock my head at him and smile. “You into her or something?”
He shrugs. “She’s outta my league, dude.”
I shake my head, taking two glasses of champagne from a waiter’s tray. I hand one to Simón and say, “You’re an idiot. She freaking idolizes you.” I roll my eyes at him as I take a sip. “It’s like I can’t even bring you up without her swooning.”
He smiles. “No shit! Really?” He takes a sip with a goofy smile on his face.
I laugh at his expression and bump him in the shoulder. “Come on, Sim. You should go for it. Seriously. Just don’t fuck it up, because I don’t want to get a new counselor.”
He grimaces. “Then maybe it’s not that great of an idea.”
“Better to have loved and lost?” I ask with a smile.
It’s funny, my brother has always been kind of an unintentional heartbreaker, not because he’s a player, but simply because he’s such a good and reserved guy that he hesitates to pursue anyone he likes. I think, if he wanted to, he could get whomever he wanted just by how sweet he is.
Simón laughs at me, eyes crinkling. I’ve missed him so much.
“You ready to take your own advice?” he asks.
“You mean with Josh?” I raise an eyebrow.
He nods and takes another sip.
I take a deep breath and look down at my phone. There’s a text notification from Josh that I haven’t opened. Probably a “Happy New Year” text, maybe an “I miss you”—he says it often—but I’ve rarely replied back.
It’s been over a month since Josh showed up at my place in the middle of the night and told me he loved me, told me he’d wait until I was ready. But how long is he okay with waiting?
I thought, after our conversation, that things would have been even more painfully awkward, but honestly, it was like all that tension was gone because all our cards had been laid out on the table, and I didn’t need to constantly be aware of what I was saying or doing to hide my emotions. We were both aware of the other’s feelings and had vowed it wouldn’t get in the way of our friendship. And it really hasn’t.
Shortly after Thanksgiving, finals started, and we kind of threw ourselves into them. Between having to write fifteen-page essays and four-hour tests, I hadn’t had the occasion to do anything except grab the occasional coffee break in the library. I no longer had time for a social life, let alone a love life.
We did have a mini-Secret Santa right before we left for break, but that was truly the only time we spent together in a social setting, and we did it the day before I left for New York in the Student Union with Oliver, Jane, and Chloe. I got Chloe a beginner’s knitting kit (she’s really into crafts), and my Secret Santa got me tickets to a specialEgyptian Mummiesexhibit at the British Museum (of which I wasincrediblypsyched to go to since I have an inkling that I might have been Egyptian royalty in a past life).
We said our goodbyes before leaving for winter break right after we were done with the gift exchanges with promises to stay in touch once he reached California and I went back to New York. It was short and sweet. He held me for a couple of minutes just outside the doors, away from the curious eyes of our friends, where I was able to snuggle into what I have now claimed as my little nook in between his shoulder and neck and inhale his signature scent.
