Page 107 of In For a Penny
“And then I can tell we’re near her house, because she starts sitting up and kissing my neck—”
“You know what?” I stop him. “It’s really late, and I think I’ve heard enough, so you—”
“And she kisses my neck,” he continues, ignoring me. I push by him and open the bedroom door. “But I start laughing, Penny. I start laughing because we just drove byBluebird, that place that’s always on that stupid reality show that you love so much.” I stop and look at him, closing the door again. “Eloise looked up at me and asked what was so funny—naturally, since she was coming on to me and I was laughing hysterically. So, unthinkingly, I told her that something just reminded me of you and made me laugh. I was thinking of you while she was kissing me in a cab two blocks away from her apartment on our third date, andI told her,” he says as if in disbelief of himself.
Josh exhales. “I was a dick to her. I know I was. I just didn’t realize it at the time.” He looks disappointed in himself, because I know him, and I know he’s not the type of guy to intentionally hurt someone. I know that, no matter how he feels about me, he probably feels horrible for tonight and how he made Eloise feel. “So even though she pretended to be okay with it when we got to her place, I definitely couldn’t.”
He stops in front of me again, so close I have to back up against the door. Has Josh always been this tall? I’m sure he must have grown a foot in the last fifteen minutes. Six inches, at least.
“So? What’s your point?” I ask.
He sighs. “So, when we got to her place, I told her.”
“Told her what, exactly?”
“Told her that I loved you, and I couldn’t go out with her anymore.”
I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I will never, ever snort derisively at a romance novel or movie when they say time stood still after a romantic moment. Because that’s what it feels like right now. Time has stood still. Josh and I look into each other’s eyes, neither of us saying a word for the longest time.
“Oh,” I finally say.
“Yeah,” he seems to agree.
I’m rooted to the spot.
“She was upset, obviously,” he continues. Josh looks so calm, not like a man who has just saidI love youto someone with a high risk of getting rejected. He runs his fingers through his hair and looks down at my lips before continuing. “Rather than just taking the hit and asking me to leave, she said a few choice words.” He clears his throat. “None that I didn’t deserve, to be honest.” He takes a deep breath, as if steeling himself. “She was right about everything, except for one thing.” He raises his index finger. “She said that you didn’t have feelings for me, that you didn’t think of me that way, and that everyone knew it.”
I jut my chin out and roll my shoulders back. “I don’t,” I lie.
Josh smiles sadly and reaches out to place a hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb back and forth. I try my hardest not to lean in. “See, I think you’re lying, Penny.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
He steps closer, putting his other hand on my hip.
“Josh…” I say, my voice breaking. “I don’t—”
“It’s okay. Stop. It’s okay. I finally get it.” He’s so quiet. “I get it. I get why you don’t want anything right now. I know you’re freaked out after everything that happened. I finally figured it out. Iknowyou.”
I start crying, and he pulls me into his arms. “Shh, don’t worry. I’m not going to pressure you into anything or ask you to make any decisions. But I just thought you should know that I love you, and I know you have feelings for me, too. And right now, that’s enough for me.”
I shake my head and push against him, but he doesn’t let go. Instead, he moves his hands to my hips, thumbs rubbing the skin under my pajama top. “No, Josh.” I look up at him. “It’s not enough. That’s the whole point. I can’t give you what you need right now.”
He closes his eyes and leans his forehead to mine. “I know you think that. But it’s not about me. It’s about you.”
I laugh a little. “Did you just basically say, ‘It’s not me; it’s you’? Because I’m pretty sure the phrase is supposed to be the other way around.”
Josh smiles broadly, eyes still closed. “I love that you can make jokes now,” he says, chuckling. He takes a deep breath and kisses me on the corner of my mouth with the lightest touch.
My breath hitches.
“So, yeah,” Josh says, his lips moving against mine as he speaks. “I just wanted to casually come by at three in the morning on Thanksgiving to let you know that I love you, and I get why you don’t want to be with me right now. That I’m okay with where we are, because I can wait. I can be patient.”
It’s flutter city all over my body.
What is happening? Is this real?
I close my eyes, feeling his breath all over my face coming out faster now.
He’s going to kiss me. Oh my God. I’m not ready for this.
And it’s like he reads my mind. He kisses my forehead instead, releases me, and takes a step back.
He’s right. He does know me—more than I even suspected.
“Goodnight, Penny,” Josh says quietly. He walks around me to open my bedroom door and shows himself out of my apartment, leaving me breathless and immobile as I try to process what just happened.
He loves me. And he says he’ll wait.
