Page 88 of In For a Penny
I take a deep breath, steeling myself for the next letter.
Let’s do this.
Dear Penny,
I don’t know what’s happened between us, but I gotta say, I’m kinda miserable.
I miss you. I miss my best friend.
What happened to us after Salisbury? Where the fuck have you been?
I get that things might have been a bit weird after the trip, but did it really merit you just disappearing? Sure, I still see you in class and when we work together on the project, but you’re not really there anymore, are you?
Eloise says that you’re probably one of those people who uses people and then discards them when she’s bored of them. But I almost told her to shut the hell up, because I know you’re not like that.
Right?
Anyway, I don’t know if it’s something else that’s bothering you, or if you’re really upset with me about something I said or did, but I wish you’d just fucking talk to me. I’m going out of my Goddamn mind here.
Yours,
J.
I think back to those days following our trip and feel sick to my stomach. I was definitely avoiding him—and I guess, in retrospect, my feelings for him as well. I hadn’t realized how much it had affected him or that he would even miss me.
He was hanging out with Eloise so much I thought they were dating, for Christ’s sake! When in reality, they probably started hanging out more because I had disappeared from Josh’s life a little—or at least wasn’t spending nearly as much time together as we usually would.
God, I’m such an idiot.
Dear Penny,
You smiled at me today for the first time in a while. And then you did that thing where you bite your lip and your teeth leave little indentations.
It makes me want to kiss you so bad it fucking hurts.
God, I miss you.
When will you come back to me?
Yours,
JF
The next entry is dated a few days later, and the handwriting is a bit more frantic than the last three, like he can’t get the words out fast enough. Was he upset when he wrote this? I roll over onto my back, changing positions, and start the next letter.
Dear Penny,
I’m a fucking asshole.
I’m so, so, so sorry. I can’t even tell you how fucking sorry I am. I can’t even process what a jerk I was to you.
The things I said, the way I reacted. Please know that was all on me, Penny. And I obviously don’t think those things about you. I know this can’t excuse what I said or how I reacted, but it was clearly out of jealousy and shock.
I knew you and Oliver had gotten close, but…Jesus. That fucking hurt. And I freaked the fuck out, Penny. I’m so sorry.
Just when things were getting better and back to normal between the two of us, too.
And then the things I said about Oliver weren’t fair to him either. He was my friend.Ismy friend? God, I need to apologize to him too, even if he wasn’t there. The things I said weren’t fair to either of you.
