Page 74 of In For a Penny
He continues his ministrations down below, holding my hips down, and I stare up at the ceiling. It’s evident that I will not get out of this without him getting what he wants. I’m still not strong enough to walk on my own, and he doesn’t seem to want to take a break and sleep.
I can succumb to unconsciousness and let him do whatever he wants with me but live the rest of my life without knowing exactly what he did. Or I can stay awake and try to control the situation as much as possible. I can try and fake liking it. I would remember everything, but I think this would give me more peace of mind. If I passed out now, I would forever wonder what he actually did to me, how he violated me. By staying awake, there would be no mystery. I could live with that. Iwouldlive with that.
“Tom,” I say weakly, trying not to cry. “Stop. I want you,” I lie.
I hate you. You have already changed me.
“You…what?” he says. He knows what he’s doing to me. He knows what he’s doing is wrong. He knows he’s violating me. I throw up a little in my mouth and swallow it back down. He doesn’t notice me gag. I need to convince him that I want it, too. I think that’s the best way to avoid him physically hurting me.
“Come here,” I say. Shocked, he scrambles quickly over me, reaching for a condom on the nightstand. The best way to get out of this situation is to go through it. Then, he’ll leave me alone. And I can go home.
I just want to go home.
He rolls the condom on, and he’s inside me, rough and unpleasant. I choke back tears while he digs his fingers into my legs, face in my neck, breathing ragged.
“Come on, tell me how much you like it,” he demands.
So, I give him what he wants. I fake it. I moan. I scream. And I cry, but he doesn’t see that. I let him think he’s pleasuring me, but I won’t let him see how he’s absolutely devastating and breaking me.
For all the buildup, he thankfully doesn’t last long. The guy has no endurance—thank God. Maybe that’s why people think he’s boring in bed—he usually can’t make it past missionary into anything more exciting. Well, I can say with certainty that there wasn’t one second during the whole experience where I was bored.
“He’s really vanilla.”
I laugh internally. What a fucking joke.
He rolls off me and passes out with a smile on his face, never even bothering to take the condom off.
I fall asleep right there, naked, uncovered. And for the second night in a row, I cry myself to sleep.
