Page 363 of Vicious Saint
“I’m so sorry, Hen. But only since September.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“No, of course not. I hate myself for keeping this from you. But my family gave me no choice.”
A maniacal sound bursts out of me. “Choice, choice, choice! Nobody ever has a fucking choice!”
“I know it sounds fucked up. But this world is dark, and so much bigger than us.”
“You know what else is bigger, Arch? Loyalty! And I’ve been giving you mine since day one.”
“I will always be loyal to you, Hendrix.”
“Yeah. As long as it doesn’t involve defying Mommy, Daddy, or Grandpa.” Harsh, yeah, but necessary to stop myself from burying him like Bex mentioned.
“My situation isn’t that simple,” Archer argues with a hell of a lot of confidence for a guy who just stuck a knife in his best friend’s back.
“And you think mine is?” I spring to my feet and stand in front of him. “You think me finding out my real father was a homicidal psychopath, that the Bratva wants me dead, that Carlo actuallydiedfor me…is that fucking simple? I’ve been being lied to about who I am for my entire life, Arch! Eighteen years. And you’re gonna sit here and tell me you couldn’t find the balls to be honest with me for five months?”
“I don’t know what else to say other than I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, unless the apology is as loud as your betrayal, don’t fucking bother.”
Bex reaches for my hand. “C’mon, Hen…I know you’re upset. And have every right to be. But if Archer didn’t tell you, it had to be for a reason.” She gives him a judgmental side eye. “What he did was an absolute fucked up move, but sometimes people keep secrets because they’re the lesser of two evils.”
“Are you really taking Archer’s side right now?”
She retracts her hand from mine. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate. Archer loves you, he would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”
“Oh, really?” I cross my arms. “And what do you know? You’re barely around anymore.”
Another low blow given Bex and Crayton have been through their own share of devastation, but that doesn’t mean theirs should negate mine.
“That’s not fair, Hendrix.” Bex stands too, crossing her arms. “You know what I’m going through with Crayton.”
Of course I do, dammit, besides, she has as much of a right to avoid this place as I have.
Right or wrong, though, my heart hurts too much for my anger to discriminate. Especially when her swift defense of Archer makes me feel even more alone in this.
Because that’s what I am now. Alone.
So what else is there to do but fight for myself?
With a defeated shrug, I reply, “I get it. But everything you do lately is for Crayton.”
“That isnottrue.”
“Well, it sure feels like it. The same way it feels like everything Archer’s been doing is to benefit his family.”
“Also not true.” Archer stands. “I’ve been going through my own shit with my family, yeah, but my reasoning for not telling you aligned with everyone else’s. Even Saint’s. You finding out the truth about your dad when the Ivanovs put a target on your back would’ve ended in a worse disaster than we are in now.”
“Iam in now.”
“Believe it or not, Hen, my intentions were truly to keep you from getting hurt. Both physically and emotionally. This shit with Nikolai Ivanov isn’t some high school drama we dealt with last year with his rancid daughter Alexis. Two dangerous families have been at war since last January, and all any of us have been trying to do is make sure you stay alive.”
Another wave of anger soars through me, but this time it’s from Archer’s pure contradiction.
“And how well did that work out, huh? I almost got abducted and killed alongside Carlo. The entire time being convinced by everyone it had something to do with Vic’s allegiance to the Salvinis.” With an incredulous laugh, I add, “Did any of you stop to think that maybe if you trusted me with the truth things wouldn’t have gotten this bad? That maybe I would’ve chosen common sense over lashing out?”
