Page 351 of Vicious Saint
“C’mon, babe take a bite.” Bex pushes the Styrofoam container closer to me on the table, packed with curly fries and an uneaten cheeseburger. “You barely ate anything all day.”
“Still working on the appetite thing.”
She picks up the burger and practically slaps it in my hand. “Nuh-uh. I’m way too jealous of your sexy curves for them to get reduced to my skinny bones.”
“Straight facts,” Archer adds through a mouthful of quesadilla.
“Asshole!” Bex hits him.
“I meant the sexy curves part, damn!”
We laugh together for a moment, then, as the two of them watch, I take my first bite.
Immediately I’m hit with the heavy taste of meat and grease, which, in the past would light up my taste buds. But after surviving off bars and shakes for so long, all the burger does is make nausea churn in my gut. Still, I fight through it, marking real food as another lifelong privilege Carlo would want me to have.
“Good girl.” Bex nods like a genie, then goes back to munching on her own cheeseburger.
I’m forcing the food down my throat when Archer asks, “So, what made you finally decide to come back?”
“Carlo did.”
He pauses mid chew, and so does Bex.
“How so?”
I haven’t told anyone but Saint about Carlo’s gun, knowing with it comes speeches I’m not sacrificing my peace for.
As for my mom, auntie, and Vic, they believe it’s the picture frame of Carlo and me hanging next to my drawings.
“Just realized staying out of danger and focusing on my future is what he would’ve wanted.”
They nod in unison.
“Makes sense,” Archer agrees. “You were better off doing that from the beginning anyway.”
Archer’s right, and in an effort to honor Carlo, Ididmake the decision to step back from what the three families have going on.
It’s the only reason I didn’t make a fuss catching Matteo trailing Saint’s Range Rover on our way to the studio the other day.
Along with our trip back to school.
But out of all the things Archer could say at this moment, he goes with something I’ve been blaming myself for for months.
What little drive I had to eat screeches to a halt, and I drop the cheeseburger back in the container, staring blankly at it as Bex intervenes.
“Seriously, dude?” Bex must be a mind reader, because she adds, “Of all things?”
Archer holds up his hands in defense, voice remorseful but serious. “I’m just saying…the truth isn’t always worth the price you have to pay to get it.”
His words, they slice through me like a knife, and when I glance over at Archer I can tell how badly he knows he fucked up. The way Bex’s tears are mirroring mine tells me she knows it too.
And just like that…the emptiness creeps up on me like a draft through the floor. Cracking, breathing, threatening to suck me down into its abyss.
If only I didn’t make Carlo take me to the store.
If only I wore a coat.
If only he had his necklace to protect him.
