Page 58 of To Free a Soul
Another point of difference was that although Mavka seemed to be a more universal term, Daesrin was what they called her children here. Whereas Daekura meant dark creature, Daesrin was a nightmarish being.
Besides Zafrikaan, another place with regional differences was Unerica. Then again, both the continents were huge, and human languages could differ as well.
“You not quiet usually,” he added.
Lindiwe didn’t respond. Instead, she tightened her arms around her legs and propped her chin on her bare knees.
“Is better. Speak too much.” He lifted his free hand and opened and closed it like a mouth. “Is rock. Is grass. Is tail.Annoying.”
“I can talk, if you prefer, Ari,” Lindiwe grumbled spitefully, although her lingering, never-ceasing anger wasn’t at him.
“Sayrn. Ari you say, but Daekura call Sayrn.”
It was the first time he’d told her his name, and her first time hearing it, so she’d do her best to remember it in future.
Great. Another name has been taken from me.This was the fourth, and she was beginning to lose her enthusiasm for the task.
Then again, I would need to have another child for it to matter.And right now, Lindiwe couldn’t think of anything worse. She didn’t want to be near Weldir at all, let alone have sex.I guess it’s the wormy tendril for me.
She’d inform him when she was ready to continue her duty, but there would be no passion in it, no desire. It would be a procedure, and nothing more.
I don’t want to have performative sex.She didn’t want it to feel like a lie.
She’d been reaching for closeness, for affection. Toshareit and not be alone in her ability to feel pleasure.
She didn’t want her sex life to be a fucking joke. She also didn’t want to feel like it’d been done out of... out of pity!I’d just rather not have it at all.
Part of her was grieving the loss of it, while another was trying everything in her might to escape the constant anxiety.Her pulse had barely settled since, and every memory of touch made the barbed ball of embarrassment needle into her flesh. Her heart ached constantly, the emotion so strong it was like it’d taken root in her chest and grown another organ.
One that constantly flooded her veins with poisonous shame.
Two weeks had passed, and she still wasn’t over it.
I know it’s my fault for not understanding what he said, but how was I supposed to know?Everyone and everything with a beating heart at least felt things like pain, pleasure, hot, and cold.He should have better clarified.
Hell, when she’d offered to give him a blow job, he should’ve questioned then and there why she’d want to when he couldn’t feel it.Thatwould’ve saved them a world of trouble; it was also the act she felt the worst about.
Rather than focusing on it, she was evading the problem entirely.
She’d set out to check in on all her children, without his help. To find a way to not feel so lonely, even if they often made her feel worse.
She eyed Sayrn’s torso and the way he was positioned. She wanted nothing more than to crawl over to him, lie down while she was facing him, and be embraced in a cuddle. Like all Duskwalkers, he was large, likely warm, and she’d bet his fur was exceptionally soft.
That was impossible, and lethal should she try.
And if I die, I’ll be sent to Weldir’s realm, and I’d rather not.
It was also best that she didn’t try to talk to Sayrn, since he was allowing her presence. It was more than she’d been expecting when she saw him from a distance. She thought he’d immediately try to eat her, like he normally did, but he’d spotted her in the sky, regarded her, and then continued his prowl.
When he’d set up this fire, maybe to lure something nearby, she’d appeared through the grass, ready to turn incorporeal. The fact that he’d let her sit down felt like a miracle.
It was better than sitting by herself, miserable.
Watching the flames, she let her mind wander.
He befriends Demons.Many times over the last five years, Lindiwe had witnessed Sayrn conversing with them around a campfire.He lures them in.Even though they were fearful or wary of him, they’d eventually sit with him when he allowed it. Sometimes he’d join them in whatever shade they’d found to escape the sun, then gain their trust by not hurting them.
He sought their companionship as if he wanted to ease whatever loneliness he felt.
