Page 4 of Keep My Secrets
"You're kidding me." I look down at one of the most coveted pieces of titanium in awe. When I look back up to Theo, he is already looking at his phone, like he didn't just hand me access to his entire bank account. “So I could go spend $100,000, and you would just be ok with that?”
"I told you I want to provide for you, I want to give you the best of everything. While I am away, get the things that will make this feel more like your home. Get the things you need to start over. We can still have movers go get your things, but there is no reason you should go without when I am more than capable of giving you everything you need."
"That you are," I mumble. From life-altering orgasms to a fucking Amex, Theo has not held back on giving me anything, but I can't shake theit's too good to be truevoiceliving in the back of my brain. Theo must see the second-guessing, because he immediately grabs my chin and brings my gaze to his. His eyes flick back and forth between mine, making sure I'm paying attention before he says, "When I told you I wanted to give you a fresh start, I meant it. You did not deserve to be treated the way you were growing up, and I want to make sure youhave everything you need to take full advantage of this second chance."
Before I can think better of it, the words tumble out of my mouth, "But what's the catch?" I can see a brief hint of hurt in Theo's eyes, and my chest aches. I immediately try to apologize, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to?—"
Fuck.Here he is trying to help me, and I all but accuse him of trying to buy sex.
"Baby, I don't want you to think I am in any way trying to manipulate you or take advantage of you.” He leans down and brushes a piece of hair behind my ear. “This isn't a conditional offer. Even though I love how you submit to me in the bedroom and give me control over your body, even if that all stops right now, I still want to provide this for you."
I nod my head softly. He kisses my forehead before walking back to his spot on the couch. He taps his screen a few more times before putting his phone face down on the arm of the couch.
"Don’t worry about your student loans, they have been taken care of. Now start thinking about the things you are going to need.”
"Yes, Daddy," I say playfully as I quickly add his Amex to my Apple Wallet. I can see the smile on his face out of the corner of my eye. He really likes it when I call him that. It has never been one of those pet names I gravitated towards, but with Theo, not only does it make him really happy, it just feels right.
"So this Daddy thing..." I pause, trying to find the right way to ask without making him think I don't like it. "Is it just a bedroom thing or do you like it all the time?"
"I like hearing you call me Daddy all of the time, in every type of scenario, but I'm not going to push anything you're not comfortable with."
"No, I like it. It feels right." My lips lift into a smile as I can see the slightest sigh of relief in Theo's shoulders. "I do have a question, though." He focuses his gaze on me and waits for me to continue. "What does this kind of relationship look like? Like, I understand the sex part. I love the sex part, but what does it look like during all the other parts? What is this even called? I mean, other than Daddy issues?" I can't help but laugh, but it's true. Most of the time, when women call their partners Daddy, it's assumed it's because they have Daddy issues and are seeking that type of pseudo relationship. I have Daddy issues, but not in that way, I don't think.
"Are you trying to put a label on us, or asking in general?" he clarifies.
"I'm not sure, both?" It's the honest answer. I want to know where the line is. Do I get to ask questions and know about Theo's life, or is this a sugar daddy situation where we fuck and he spoils me, but that's as deep as it goes? Where do I stand?
He takes a moment before speaking, as if he is trying to make sure he is using the right words.
"So, usually a dynamic like ours would be considered Dom/Sub. Where one person is more dominant and takes a leading role in the relationship and activities. I would be considered a Daddy Dom. I would be the provider, and I like to be able to take control, so all you would have to worry about is enjoying your time with me." That dynamic sounds nice. I could really get used to it, but the fear of becoming dependent on him and him being able to withdraw provisions, leaving me with nothing, is like a rock in my stomach.
"For some, the dynamic is only sexual, for others it is a 24/7 lifestyle. There are even some where there is no sex involved. It is really up to the people participating."
"And which are we?"
"That's something we need to decide. The way we have been with each other over the last few days has given me a taste of what living a 24/7 lifestyle would be like with you, and to be honest, I loved it. I loved you blindly trusting me, I loved watching you do exactly as you were told, letting me take control. I loved being in a position to provide for and protect you. But it's not only about me."
I nod, remembering what it felt like to relinquish all control and let Theo take over, not just during sex, but when he was taking care of me and making sure I was fed, or that I was ok after being roofied, or even after being told my mom was a whore. Maybe that is part of why I've been so attracted to him, because he truly cares about me.
"So I would have to listen to everything you say?"
"The things we agreed upon, yes. If there are things you are not comfortable giving over control of, that's fine. We just need to discuss it so we are on the same page."
"And if I don't listen to you, what happens?" Heat settles in my stomach as the different scenarios playout in my head.
"If you disobey, there will be punishments. Again, all agreed upon beforehand, but if you decide to push the boundaries, there will be consequences. Some I'm sure you think you would enjoy, others you…" he pauses as the corners of his lips lift into a knowing smirk, "won't."
Is he thinking about the things he would do to me? Is he imagining the punishments he will give me right now? The thought has me tightening around nothing, remembering theconsequencesI got in the dressing room.
"Ok."
"Ok, what?" He smiles slowly. He needs me to say it. There needs to be no gray; this is black or white. I'm in or I'm out.
"Ok. I will give you control inside and outside of the bedroom. I want you to be in charge." His smile widens as hishands grip my face and pull me into a kiss. This kiss is different; it's not full of lust like the ones before. It's almost as if he's thanking me. For giving him control? For liking what he likes? For just existing?
I smile against his lips as he begins to pull away. He relaxes back into the corner of the couch and pulls me into him.
“We will go more in depth when I get home about rules and boundaries for both of us, so while I am gone I need you to be thinking about your hard limits.” I pull my phone out and begin browsing my shopping lists to see what I want to buy with Theo's money. If spoiling me makes him happy, who am I to say no? He tilts my phone down when I don't answer.
