Page 124 of Love Me Steadfast
A sudden churning in my stomach claws up my throat. I stumble into the alley, the bright sunlight making my face burn.
No, no, no.
I push off Will just in time to heave onto the cobbles. But he catches me from falling to my knees, smoothing back my hair as I go limp, gasping. Sudden sobs shaking my frame.
“It’s okay,” William says in a soft voice like I didn’t just yak all over his shoes.
How can he be so kind when I’ve hurt him over and over? Lied to him. Cut him out of my life. I wasn’t there for him when he got hurt. I wasn’t there when he was forced to walk away from the game he loved so much.
I don’t deserveyou rings in my ears.
I spit the last of the puke onto the ground, but I’m sobbing so hard it grazes my knee.
William gently spins me into his chest and wraps his arms around me. He rubs my back with slow, caring strokes. “What’s going on, baby? Talk to me.”
“I’m so tired of it hurting.” Gripping his T-shirt, I bury my face into his shoulder, inhaling the clean citrus of his laundry detergent like it can wash away the scent clinging to my skin.
But I’m tainted. Chained to this secret, I’ll forever be tainted.
When I don’t say more, he sighs, his chest expanding into mine, then presses a soft kiss to the side of my head. “We’re gonna make it stop, okay? Whatever it takes.”
As much as I long for this to be true, he can’t fulfill this promise.
Once he’s carried me to his truck and set me gently on the seat, he makes a call, his otherworldly blue eyes tense with worry. Then he climbs behind the wheel and we’re cruising to the end of the alley. “It’s right there on fourth and Spruce,” he says while turning onto Main. “Denny’s going to call for us.”
The hot pain steals my concentration. With my tongue pressed to my back molars, I try to deepen my breathing, but the panic inside me is like a hornet’s nest, buzzing faster and faster. A few turns later, Will pulls into a small parking lot facing a one-story gray building shaded by clusters of short, scruffy trees.
Unwanted fear stings my chest. I don’t want to cry again but the tears come anyway. When William opens the door I can’t look at him. I don’t want to go inside. I can’t do it.
My body is vibrating and my muscles feel stiff. “I’m scared,” I chatter.
He cups my lower back and scoots me close so my knees slide past his waist and our bodies are flush. The contact feels so good I want to crawl inside his chest and stay where it’s safe, where I’m protected. But the comfort is temporary. Soon I’ll be alone again. Whether it’s in five minutes or five days.
“You’re shaking,” hesays, rubbing my back.
I curl into him, trying to force my breaths to slow.Get it together!
“It’s going to be okay,” he says.
I cling to his T-shirt like I can make his words come true.
“I can walk,” I say because no way is he carrying me into the waiting area.
He sets me gently on the ground and slides his hand into mine. The hornet’s nest inside me stays at a dull hum as we walk the short distance to the door. Inside, the sudden change in smells and sounds sends goose bumps up my neck.
“Charlie?” a woman calls from a doorway past the reception area.
“You can take the paperwork back,” the receptionist says to Will.
He thanks her, then cradles me against him. “One note at a time, okay?”
The familiar words wash over me, stirring up a fresh wave of emotions. “Okay,” I exhale.
Will takes my hand again, and together we follow the woman dressed in black scrubs, her hair in a perfect bun. The whirring andzing!of the instruments crowd my ears as we pass the stations where hygienists are working away, patients lying prone beneath them.
How are they so calm?
My breaths feel so loud in my throat. Can everyone hear them?
