Page 52 of Out of Tune
“I’m getting there. Just right now, I feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. I thought it would be easier to go back to the way I used to be. Like I’m this broken bone that healed wrong thefirst time, and now I have to break all over again to get it right.” It’s almost like she’s angrier at herself than anyone else.
“You’re off to a good start. You have Lydia in your corner.” I hesitate before adding, “You have me.”
“A start…that’s all I have.”
Spotting a desk in the corner, I walk to it and open a drawer to find hotel stationery and a pen. With them in hand, I join Avery on the couch. “What do you want? What does life as the new Avery Sloane look like?”
Her gaze narrows but she plays along. “More creative control on this tour. I don’t want to sing the old songs I’ve been told are good. I want to play the shit I like and wear the clothes I want to wear. When I get on stage, I want to feel like myself, not some done-up doll.”
I start to write. She tracks the movement, and leans forward, a hand landing firmly on my knee for balance. I pull the notepad away which only prompts her to move closer. Close enough to see how her makeup has collected in the faint creases under her eyes, which only makes the gold and green hues in her hazel irises pop.
“Hey!” I yelp as her hand plants dangerously further up my thigh, causing my dick to get ideas that, though I wish were true, are entirely unhelpful in this current situation.
“What are you doing?” She plucks at the corner of the writing pad as I hold it firmly to my chest.
“Making a bucket list.” And figure out exactly what I can do to help her instead of assuming. There’s also the added fact that this way, I get to know the new Avery in a way that I’ve been desperate to for a long time, instead of getting crumbs of her at a distance.
“You think a bucket list is going to help me get my shit together?”
“I don’t think it will hurt,” I say, then lower my voice. “Tell me, if you could do anything in the world, what would you do?”
“Okay. I’ll bite. I want to be able to walk around in public and not be recognized, have a normal day like a normal person.” She folds her arms over her chest and juts out her chin in challenge. “Do you think you can get me that?”
“Easy.”
She takes another drink from the bottle. “God, and you know what we never did? We never sang together.”
“I think we’re going to knock that item off pretty quickly.”
“I mean at Dave’s or that shitty bar in Caper.”
“Avery Sloane, are you asking me to sing with you at a dive bar?” My cheeks hurt from grinning.
“Yeah, I guess I am. Just get up there and sing the way we planned to. Not for money or fame. Just because we want to. For fun.” The alcohol has truly caught up with her now. Words flying from her lips. “I want to have fun. Not just looking like I am, or saying I am until I believe it. I want to have fun and play music at the same time, like we used to.”
“Then let’s have fun, Avery. Let’s start now.” I’d start yesterday if I could.
Her expression sobers. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I have so much to figure out with Lydia, and my schedule is booked from all the obligations I had in place before everything went to shit.”
My fingers feel numb and my blood runs cold. “Do you want this? Be honest.”
“I do.”
“In eight months, when we’re on tour and you have all your shit figured out, do this with me.” I tap the list with the back of my pen.Say, yes, Ave. You need this. We need this.
“Is that what you want out of the tour? To check things off a silly little list?” She sucks in a shallow breath. “It’s your turn to be honest.”
Originally, the tour was a desperate attempt to cling to her a little longer. To hold on to her with everything I had. Prove to her that there’s something still here between us.
“It’s not a silly list if these things are important to you. By the end of this, I just want you to be happy.”
“That’s it?”
“You make it sound like you don’t think your happiness is a big deal. But to me I can’t think of anything more important.”
If I can give her that, then I can walk away. Maybe if I’m lucky, she’ll realize I’m part of what can make her happy.
If not, I need to love her enough to let her go. It sounds so easy now months away, but I have a suspicion it won’t be if the time comes.
