It doesn’t matter, really. Because I’m already moving across the room, smiling. “Have you got your treats? Shall I show you where my brother and I used to watch the races from?”
Kitty nods, eyes watering. Tommy openly glares at Rian.
“Is that an ice-cream bar?” I ask brightly, though my heart feels cracked right through the middle. “Where did you get that, love?”
Tommy points me toward the pile of ice-cream bars on a bed of spelled dry ice. I snatch one up, then guide the children toward a small door in the back corner of the room.
Rian must try to follow, because there’s suddenly a wall of bodies between us and him.
My smile doesn’t slip.
I don’t cry.
I take my responsibilities seriously. I always have. I’ve always put my duty over my personal emotions and strife.
I get the door unlatched. The children — hopefully distracted again — climb up the narrow staircase to the lookout ahead of me.
13
RIAN
Mirth leaves.She gathers the kids to her like they need protection from me and just leaves me behind. Me and all the stupid shit coming out of my mouth that I don’t even remotely mean. She leaves me facing off with the four others who are supposed to be part of my soul-bonded group.
I’ve never been so fucking jealous in my life. I’m not actually certain I’ve even experienced that emotion before, because this heavy weight all across my chest, threatening to suffocate me, is unmistakable.
I’m okay with the idea, the understanding, that Mirth needs a bond group. Our connection is too intense to ignore. Even if I wanted to.
It’s the bear shifter, the duke, who breaks the silence. “No one is forcing you, Rian.”
Christoph’s not gentle about it, but he’s not pissed. Nowhere near as pissed as Sully is at me. Though the blue-haired mage is currently watching the screen over my head as if I don’t exist.
“I know,” I rasp. “That’s not … rationally, I know.”
“All of us are having our moments,” Elias says mildly as he steps over to fix himself a tea.
Even this little slice of Mirth’s everyday life is overwhelming. The china, the silverware, all the piles of pretty food on the sideboard. And I’ve been in these boxes before. Just not this particular one. I know my reaction to it all is ridiculous. Yet I’m still doing it.
“What we don’t do,” Sully says, still not looking at me, “is take it out on Mirth.”
I open my mouth to dispute that charge, but nothing comes out.
“Well …” Sully amends, “except for Bolan.”
“Asshole,” my newly discovered half-brother mutters around a mouthful of something. “And I never … my devotion to Mirth has never wavered, not for one minute. I’m only unintentionally an asshole in her vicinity.”
“That should be the title of your next song,” Sully says scathingly. “ ‘Unintentionally an Asshole.’ ”
Bolan actually laughs. “Maybe, asshole. Maybe it will be. And Mirth will fucking love listening to me bagging on myself and trampling on my own heart for her entertainment.”
The roar of the crowd, even muffled by the thick glass windows, draws all of our attention. The first race has started. Muted or not, maybe that’s what Sully finds so much more entertaining on the screen behind me than looking at any of us. Than looking at me.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I’ve gotten all of this twisted up in my head, in my chest —
“If you give us time, Rian,” Elias says, all smooth and cultured, “we’ll figure out how we all fit together.”
“It’s not just about fucking,” Sully says.
I flinch as if he’s knifed me.
