“Has Andi been at Lake Thun as well?” Mirth asks in that polite tone.
Thrown by the subject change — at least in my mind — I hesitate. Mirth’s face is turned to me, chin lifted, so I’m certain she’s looking right at me, at my eyes, though her own eyes remain shadowed behind her sunglasses.
“You’re lovers,” Mirth says. It’s not a question. “Her face fell when she saw me coming out of your rooms at Waterfell.”
“What? No,” I stutter, actually blindsided. “Andi? She … did she say something? We did … we were, but not —”
“It’s not like you don’t know who I’m fucking, right, Rian?” Mirth says, all fucking icy tone and sedate smile.
“Yeah, it’s pretty clear who the fuck you’re fucking, Mirth. Or who you want to fuck if you haven’t quite gotten there yet,” I snap. All the words, all the frustration, are out of my mouth before I even know what I’m saying.
The smile slides right off Mirth’s face.
My chest feels like there’s an anvil on it. I can barely breathe.
“That’s good,” she says quietly. “I’m glad I was clear from the start.”
Oh, fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. Mirth has been clear. Very, very clear about what she wants from me, about getting my consent, and —
Oh, fuck. “Mirth, I —”
“I’ll release you.”
The anvil is replaced with a fucking dull-edged steel sword, skewered right through my chest. “What?”
“Or you can reject me,” she says as if the words aren’t carving right through my heart. “Actually, that might be easier. On you.”
Easier? On me? “Mirth …” I gasp through the pain.
“We haven’t formalized the bond, signed any contracts. You don’t know the others at all, so your ties to them should be minimal. You can go back to Waterfell. I’ll send Perseus withyou. With his ownership papers. As a … thank you for … being there for me when I felt like I didn’t deserve it.”
I sit down hard, vaguely thankful that there’s actually a chair behind me.
This twisting in my chest …. I get it … I get it now.
It’s Mirth. It’s what Mirth is feeling, tangled through everything I’m feeling. It’s the opposite of when she orgasms. When she’s relaxed and content, and all the things I should be trying to —
Mirth lays her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Rian. I shouldn’t have …” Her voice hitches.
I’ve let my head drop in my hands. When did I stop looking at her? Trying to connect with her? I snap my head up.
Tears snake down her creamy cheeks from beneath the glasses. “I knew I was asking too much,” she says.
Oh, fuck me. The other four weren’t just teasing downstairs. About Mirth never having so-called whims. I don’t know her well enough to know her like that, but they do. They do. And they already know that Mirth never asks for anything for herself.
Except me.
She asked me for a ride. And I said yes.
I said fucking yes.
“I don’t think it will take any formal words between us for you to reject the bond. But I’ll have Elias look that up for you.” Mirth’s fingers slide across my shoulder as she withdraws her hand, withdraws from me, turning away but lingering on that touch.
That last touch.
My brain restarts. I don’t know where the fuck my head has been these last few days. But I’m here now. I’m here.
I lunge for Mirth, going down on my knees where I fucking belong as I grab her hand back.
