Page 26 of Lines Drawn
“No,” he says. “Is that what you want to hear, Ten? Want me to tell you the truth? Well, the fucking truth is that no, he didn’t deserve that. Did I mean to stab him? Yes. Several times actually, for his blatant disrespect of me and my son. But this…it got out of hand.”
“You don’t have wounds, so it wasn’t a fight…”
“He let me,” Cristian says simply.
“You’re spiraling,” I comment.
He laughs harshly. “What was your first clue?”
Carefully, I step toward him. Keeping my voice soft, I say, “Gutting people isn’t your forte, Cris.”
“Why does it matter to you? I would have thought getting rid of your problem would make you happy.”
“No…” I let out a humorless chuckle and shake my head. “I don’t do that, and you know it. If I thought Benjamin or Roman were in danger? Sure, I wouldn’t have a problem with what you did. But that wasn’t the case. He was annoying, but I could handle that. What I can’t handle is losing someone I care about because you decided to take your issues out on someonetheycare about.”
He shakes his head. “I did what I had to. Ignacio was in the wrong for touching Roman the way he did.”
“I’m not denying that?—”
“Then why did you allow it?”
“Be careful how you speak to me, Cristian.”
“Fuck that, Tennant,” he spits. “I don’t have time for your bullshit. Get off your high horse when we both know you would have done the same thing if given the chance. You think I don’t see the way you are with Benjamin? You love him. Far more than I’ve seen you love anyone else before, even Hollis.”
“Don’t you fucking dare.” I shove him back against the dresser. “There might be a hierarchy to my relationship, but none of them are more important than the other. How fucking dare you suggest otherwise.”
He tries to fight me off, but I hold him down and pull my knife, setting it against his side. “Going to gut me, Ten?”
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.”
“You’re the one who got all possessive when Il Padrone claimed me. Now you’re suddenly okay with Benjamin’s other lover living? The one who already broke his heart? Who might break Roman’s in the future?”
“You don’t think I haven’t thought about this? The difference is, Cris, I know they’re strong enough to survive. Roman will kill first, ask questions later. And Benjamin has grown into someone that anyone would be proud of. You…you made a life and death decision that wasn’t yours to make.
“The difference between Benjamin and you? He wasn’t mine first, you were. You and me, remember? How can that be if I’m willing to put everything on the line for the people I care about, while you only selfishly think about yourself.”
He fights me, managing to push me back a little, but hisses in pain as my knife cuts him. “I was thinking about my family, my son. You know, the little shit you’re supposed to care about.”
I shake my head and shove him back again, this time grabbing his throat and squeezing hard enough that he gasps for breath. “I agree with you punishing him, but killing him is going too far, and I’m surprised Il Padrone hasn’t killed you yet.”
I let him up, stepping away to give him a chance to retaliate or back down and explain.
“I know I went too far, Ten. You don’t have to tell me, but regret? Remorse? No. I don’t feel that. I stand by what I did. Roman will get over it if Ignacio dies.”
“Benjamin won’t! And he’s already pushed me away once. I refuse to let him go, but I can’t force myself on him, Cristian. I’ve done my best to give him the body autonomy he deserves. I cannot go back on that. I refuse to be someone else who hurts him.
“You think I care about him more than I care about Roman? The son you’re so desperate to protect? More than Jude? The wolf in sheep’s clothing who doesn’t back down or away from my shit. Or more than Hollis? The only other person aside from you who can keep me human?”
“That’s what I said, isn’t it? You sure as fuck act like you love him more.”
I shake my head. “I don’t work like that. You know I don’t. Love…it’s brain chemistry. Whatever emotions I may or may not have for them…it’s all the same.”
“Benjamin is different,” he argues.
I clench my teeth because I can’t deny it. “Il Padrone is different,” I counter.
“He is,” he concedes. “And that’s why I don’t care if he kills me or not. I love him enough to take it. Is that selfish? Maybe. But don’t tell me you wouldn’t do the same fucking thing.”
