Page 93 of Swords of Soul and Shadow
Kase didn’t know if his barely contained emotions would hold up against that. Plus, the baby was tiny. Only weeks old. What if he wasn’t gentle enough? What if it was the first step to him agreeing to take on a fatherly role?
He put up his hands. “I don’t…I mean, it’s not like…what if I drop him?”
That seemed the safest way to reject her without hurting her feelings.
Clara smirked through the tears budding in her own eyes. “You won’t.”
Oh, shocks, not the tears. One minute. He’d hold him for one minute, just to keep her from crying, then give him straight back.
She held out the bundle, the blanket slipping a little more. Trying to still the trembling in his hands, Kase took the baby from her.
“His name is Samuel. Samuel Lee Shackley.”
Kase swallowed. The baby was asleep again, his familiar blue eyes hidden behind tawny lids and thick lashes. He hadn’t realized babies could be born with such thick lashes. They dusted his plump, light brown cheeks smushed by the hands curled beneath his chin. He squirmed, a small grunt spilling from his impossibly tiny pink lips.
“Samuel,” Kase whispered. His heart fluttered a little as he stared at the little boy. Almost the instant his nephew’s soft weight pressed against him, all his worries faded.
Kase was an uncle. All he could think was that this baby was so small, yet weighed a thousand pounds. This little life belonged to Clara and Jove, but somehow, he also belonged to Kase. It was not the feeling he’d been expecting at all. It almostmade him believe he could step into whatever role Samuel required. How odd that just holding Samuel would be the balm he needed.
A few tears escaped his hold. “He’s perfect.”
Warmth laced Clara’s voice. “That’show I know this all will work out as it should.”
Kase didn’t say what he knew: that it wouldn’t, that everything was crumbling around him. He wished he could have her faith, but it had let him down in the past more times than he could count. “I don’t know.”
“I do,” she said softly, so softly that Kase barely heard her over the echoed tunnel noise. “I know because I am not in control, and if I’m not in control, I can’t change what’s to come, and that, Kase, is true freedom. I can only do my best with the time left to me. These past few weeks have taught me that like nothing else could, and I nearly broke, but beauty is born from the ashes.”
Kase didn’t say anything. How could he crush that beautiful hope of hers?
Maybe if he kept his beliefs to himself, he could find a way to pretend Clara was right. That there was some higher purpose to what had happened in his life. He just needed to be patient.
Clara pulled a small bag onto her lap. He hadn’t even noticed she’d been carrying anything. He’d been too focused on his new nephew and his anxieties. She pulled out a notebook about the size of his old copy of the Odyssey and a plain pencil. She set it on the cot. “I don’t have the capacity to go into why right now, not with everything going on.” She patted her hand on the notebook. “But I haven’t been able to paint or do anything creative as of late, so this notebook is only going to waste. It also feels a little pretentious, carrying around something that isn’t helpful to our situation here.” She gave Kase a small smile. “I thought you could use it to write out your thoughts, or send memessages if you need anything. Your father’s orders were clear, but he didn’t say you couldn’t write letters.”
“Thank you,” Kase said.
The notebook wasn’t fancy, but it was bound in expensive dark brown leather. He could use it to send a note to Stowe, too, if needed. A little bit of the tension in his muscles melted away. It was a step in the right direction.
Kase’s arm tingled beneath Samuel’s weight. He adjusted his grip, moving as slowly as he could so as not to wake up the sleeping babe. That maneuver failed spectacularly; Samuel’s face scrunched with the movement, and his mouth opened to let out a frustrated cry. Without thinking about what he was doing, he shushed him and stroked his finger down his nephew’s silky cheek. “It’s okay, little buddy.”
Samuel’s face slowly relaxed. He wrapped his entire tiny hand around Kase’s finger, squeezing as he fell back to sleep.
It was a shot right to the heart.
How could something so small make such an impact on him, and so quickly? He let out a breath of relief. “That was easier than I thought.”
He couldn’t move his finger now. Samuel had a death grip on it. Kase couldn’t help grinning.
Clara chuckled softly. “You’re a natural.”
Kase shook his head. “Not so sure about that, but I’ll have to rub it in Jove’s—”
He went silent. Clara placed a hand on his shoulder. “They’ll find him.”
“But what if…” He couldn’t even get out the words. He’d thought them plenty, feared them, but to say them…
Kase’s jaw wobbled a little.
Clara pulled him into a side hug. “Then we will deal with that when it comes, but in the meantime, rest and write out your thoughts. Journaling has always helped me process things.” Shelet him go and stood, stretching. “I have a shift at the hospital ward soon, so I need to go, but I’ll come visit tomorrow with Samuel. Send a note if you need anything before then, okay?”
