Page 68 of Swords of Soul and Shadow
It hadn’t been easy. She’d nearly lost hold twice. And she’d drained herself even further.
She should be dead.
But somehow she wasn’t.
And something in the back of her mind told her it was only because she’d been here in the palace, surrounded by Zuprium, that she’d been able to heal him.
If she truly had healed him. It was possible this one would fail just as the first had. Was he going to be forced to relive his pain every few hours until Hallie could no longer fix him? Would Saldr know what to do if they ever got back to Kyvena?
She’d much rather think of a plan to help him than…than that kiss.
Her boots tapped along the corridor in time with her heart. It drowned out the silence and the memories of the last time she walked across these floors, of Kase and Zeke. Of Saldr. Of the multitude of Yalvs whose footsteps no longer echoed with hers.
She didn’t know how far she’d walked or even where she was going, but somehow she’d ended up in front of the quarters she, Kase, and Zeke had shared. It was like her subconscious mind knew she needed to see something familiar.
She entered the room. Her eyes adjusted to the dark enough even though the early beams of moonlight shining through the window weren’t terribly bright. A part of her registered that the silence she’d ignored on the way here should have been eerie, that most of the people who roamed these corridors were dead. Only a small remnant had made it to Kyvena. The Lord Elder was gone, his power given to Hallie in a dank dungeon room that lay beneath rubble.
She fell onto the sofa where she and Kase had spent one of their nights in the palace reading books. Those were scattered across the shelves, a few upon the floor.
All she could do was stare at them and wish it were months ago. She’d lived an eternity in the interim, and everything was only going to get worse.
And yet, here she was, bringing a shaking hand to her cold lips.
Niels hadkissedher.
Dread filled her stomach.
But not for the reason she would’ve thought. She’d felt…nothing. No spark. No forgotten desire. There had been a small part of her worried that she might feel something more. They had a past, after all. Once upon a time, they’d wanted to marry. But if the last few months felt like a lifetime, then that time in Hallie’s life had been eons ago.
She’d grown up. She’d realized her worth, her passion. And now she knew for certain that Niels could only offer something adequate, not something extraordinary. If she went back to him, she would be settling.
The relief was mixed with sadness.
She would have to break his heart. Again.
It was odd. She didn’t know what she had expected. She’d spent years running from her feelings, hiding behind the walls ofthe University and her studies to avoid thinking about the things she’d left unsaid, about the perfectly good life she’d left behind.
But the longer she’d been away, she’d realized that that life was no longer what she wanted. There was so much more she could do in the world. Hallie no longer wanted the safe life, the one where she knew what lay around the next bend.
She wielded an Essence power, and that dictated unpredictability. While Kase was nowhere near perfect, he was the rock that held her steady. He might be rough around the edges, but that was what she needed.
Pulling his pilot goggles from her pocket, she ran her thumb over the frames, her lips tugging into a sad smile.
Hallie didn’t believe in soulmates. The impossibility of it was too much, and life was too disorganized for something like that. Choosing someone every day, no matter their flaws—that was true love.
Even so, with Kase, it almost felt like fate. She rubbed her thumb across the goggle lens again. If she could only see him once more, she’d tell him she loved him, tell him that she would always love him, and maybe…just maybe, she did believe in soulmates, even if her logical side said it was improbable. With Kase, everything just felt right.
But how could she explain that to Niels in a way that didn’t shatter him? He’d lost his entire family and had come on this adventure to keep a promise to her father.
Then again, it was clear now he’d also made that choice for his own reasons.
She couldn’t help resenting him a little for the timing, of all things. She had the world on her shoulders, and now she had to figure out how to let him down gently—especially after she’d just run away from him again. At least she hadn’t run halfway across the country this time.
No, he was an adult. He knew she and Kase were together now. This was his own fault. She hadn’t given him any indication that she would’ve been receptive to a kiss…had she?
She rubbed her eyes. This is why she’d avoided any entanglements after entering the University. They only distracted her from the real task at hand.
Her power. She needed to focus on that. She could figure out Niels later.
