Page 216 of Swords of Soul and Shadow
But marriage—no matter how short or long—was too important to her. It was more than just agreeing to love someone until death parted them both. It was a commitment. The promise to live a life together.
How could she make that kind of promise, knowing she’d break it to save the world? What kind of partner would that make her?
But she had so little opportunity for happiness left to her. Why would she not say yes?
She pressed her palms to her eyes.
Unsure if it was the emotional turmoil within her making everything else feel less intense or just thanks to time passing, her pain had gently receded to a low hum over the past half hour or so, her power more like a pleasant warmth in the cold hospital ward. It helped her think more clearly, but no matter which path of thought she wandered down, her answer was still no.
Maybe she should’ve added a, ‘Not right now.’
If she had, maybe he wouldn’t have looked so heartbroken.
She lifted her face and looked at the ring again. It hadn’t changed since Kase had pressed it into her palm. He’d said he’d wait for as long as it took.
He wouldn’t have to wait long, if she followed through on her plan. Because she’d be gone, and there’d be no one left to wait for.
She pushed the thoughts to the side. She needed to figure this out. There had to be a way. They had to be missing something. What if restoring the swords didn’t work? What if she wasted the chance to reset the Gates and it led to something worse? Or what if she did either one, but it made the ending of both much worse, like punting this duty off to someone else at some other time, when the hammer would fall even harder?
Should she feel responsible for people who had yet to live? What did it matter if she simply put off the inevitable? Thatwas what Navara had done, what the Lord Elder had done. Why couldn’t Hallie follow their example?
She shut her eyes, taking a breath. If she could figure something out, she could go find Kase right now, fall into his arms, and demand he marry her right then and there. Then she could truly give him the stars he’d asked for. She opened her eyes and grabbed the ring, slipping it on.
It was a good compromise.
To its left was only the memory of the little finger that had been there a few months ago. It was a reminder that life as she knew it could disappear in a breath. Ebba’s life had moments before Hallie had lost her finger.
Oof. Ebba. What would she say? Would she call Hallie asterningstars-idiot?
Probably. Hallie wished she was there to say anything at all.
The ring was in pristine condition—whether due to Kase’s care or the nature of the Zuprium itself, she didn’t know. The metal was mostly a mystery. Ezekiel Fairchild had discovered only two uses for it, one brilliant, the other terrifying.
The perfect fit to the ring was almost too much. What would happen if she did say yes? Would they be able to find something for her to wear? Did she even care? She looked down at her rumpled shirt that had seen much better days. There wasn’t any blood on it—the only positive note. She could probably borrow another one of her mother’s shirts, but they were a smidge too small. Kase could wear his pilot’s jacket like soldiers in their uniform. Hallie’s heart skipped a beat at that mental image. The back was stitched together sloppily, and they’d make quite the pair with their ramshackle wardrobes fit for a refugee camp, not a wedding. But it wouldn’t matter. Not to Hallie.
She chewed the edge of her lip and twisted the ring around her finger. Would it be worth it? Even if they only had days left? A week or two at best?
She’d feel like a fraud unless she found a way to make it work.
What had she done wrong in her life to lead her here? Why did she, a scholar from Stoneset, have to make these difficult choices to save the world? Why her? Why now?
If she could simply find the other sword and Gate, they might be able to figure out some way forward. If she fixed both Gates, though she wasn’t entirely sure what was wrong with them, maybe she could use them to do…something helpful. But what about the prophecies?
The heat in the core flared. She hissed and pressed her hand to her middle.
Stars.
What had caused that?
No answer came, of course.
But wasn’t the way to repair the Gates to give them the swords full of Essence powers? Could she somehow figure out a way to repair souls first? Because as soon as she gave up her power, her soul would hemorrhage.
Anderson still hadn’t woken up—even with the Cerl blanket. Niels was on borrowed time, though the bracelet he’d made out of the blanket fibers kept the worst of it at bay.
Maybe Hallie could somehow restore their lost Soul that had bled out? How much had they lost? How much did anyone start with? It wasn’t something that could be measured like blood—at least, she didn’t think so. Even if she could figure the biology out, if the Soul was no longer there, she would have to come up with a way to create it.
She could rewind and speed up time. She could heal. But could she combine that to create?
