Page 212 of Swords of Soul and Shadow
“I’m sorry,” she whispered again, helpless. She couldn’t change what had happened. She couldn’t fix how she’d frightened him.
Kase leaned forward on his free hand, his scent floating in the air between them. He still hadn’t shaved properly, and his short beard had filled in even more. She resisted the urge to run her fingers along his jawline.
He spoke to their joined hands. “I know that we still have things to work through, even without the world falling apart.” He rubbed her knuckles again. “I know I’m not going to convince you to reset the Gate instead of using the swords. You’re too stubborn.”
Her heart skittered at his touch. Where was he going with this?
“But if we do only have weeks, days, or even hours left, I want to—needto—spend every single last second with you.”
So far, she didn’t see any reason to argue. “I think my mother might have something to say about—”
“Let me finish.” He brought her captured hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, making her shiver. He met her gaze over their hands and said, low and husky, “Marry me, Hals. Right here. Right now.”
Her eyes stung as air whooshed into her lungs. Letting go of her hand, Kase pulled Ana’s ring off his little finger and held it out to her. The impossibility hit her like a raging storm. Theemotions crowded in her chest, filling it to the brim. Her power added its heat. She brought a shaking hand to her mouth.
He wanted to marry her. A soft buzzing started in her ears, and her heart did a few funny flips in her chest.
The ring hadn’t changed since she’d last inspected it, that day that felt like an eternity ago, the day the Cerls had kidnapped her. The Zuprium band was thin and dainty, its edges carved into miniature vines leading to a trio of roses, tiny Zuprium crystal chips—not diamonds, she realized—sparkling in the dim lantern light. Breathtaking.
Kase waited with his hand outstretched, the ring held before him between his index and thumb. “Please,” he added, his strained, crooked grin melting her heart into a puddle.
When she was a little girl, she’d dreamed of the day a man would ask for her hand. For all their faults, she’d admired her parents and the relationship they had. They’d been a glowing example of what she herself had wanted. When she’d fallen for Niels, she’d thought she’d live out her life as a miner’s wife, running the inn and whiling away in a small mountain town, content—but then Jack had died.
Once she’d left for the capital, she’d never thought she’d find the sort of love one needed to marry someone. The University had given her purpose again, and she’d planned on teaching. That new dream hadn’t left much room for romance, and she hadn’t sought it out. She’d had a plan, and she’d thought she was content once more.
But then a cocky, stars-blasted pilot swept into her life like a maelstrom. She hadn’t known love,truelove, felt like soft, messy curls, tasted like caramel sweets, rustled like book pages, and smelled like wood smoke and leather.
Tears slipped down her cheeks, heavy and burning. She wanted to say yes so badly it physically hurt…but the realitywas, Hallie was going to die. The world would end without her sacrifice.
She swiped at her eyes. “I can’t.” She looked down at the cot to avoid his gaze; if she saw the hurt and rejection well in his eyes, she’d break.
“Why not?”
Hallie could tell how carefully he was holding his emotions in check. He still hadn’t let the hand with the ring drop. She shook her head. “With everything going on, it’d be selfish.”
“I disagree.”
“I don’t want to marry you only because the world is ending.” She finally looked up, and just like she’d feared, the hurt evident in his eyes crushed her. They loved each other. Kase had told her that she was his fate. And now she’d…what was she doing?
No, she couldn’t take it back. Not now. Not yet. She wished she could give in to the desire and heat and everything, but the logical part of her brain wouldn’t let her.
“I want to marry you because it’s what we really want, not just as a last hurrah.”
“I’m not asking because everything’s falling apart.” Kase took her hand again. She hadn’t realized he’d let it go. Hallie could tell he was trying to keep himself calm, but the faint tremors in his fingers belied his emotions no matter how much he tried to hide it. “I know what I want. I’ve known for a while. I’m asking if you want it, too.”
Just say yes. Just say yes and be happy. Just say yes and love him.
But she couldn’t, and she was a stars-idiot.
Uncertainty crept into Kase’s passionate gaze. The hand holding the ring dipped. “But if you don’t, that’s—”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” Of course shewantedto. But she’d told the truth. He was going to lose her. It would be selfishto make him mourn her not just as…whatever they were, exactly, but as a widower.
To grieve not Hallie Walker, but HallieShackley.
Her heart couldn’t possibly break into more pieces than it already had. But it kept proving her so, so wrong.
“If you need proof I’m serious, take this as a promise.” He placed the ring in her hand and closed her fingers around it. He stood. “I’ll let you rest.”
