Page 70 of Keeping Freya
“Yes,” she snaps. “You told me you would take all that I could give you. I TOLD you I wasn’t staying.”
My fight leaves me. “I thought I could change your mind. Show you how good I could be with you, show you how much I loved you.”
“You… love me?” She takes a step back, and I take a step forward. She starts shaking her head in disbelief, and I fall to my knees.
“What more do you need, Fr’Ya? You are my Zarra, my treasure, my light. You can always count on me. I will love you until the world ends, I will love you through everything, worship you, and give you the stars. What more can you possibly need?”
“Home,” she sobs.
“Then let me be your home,” I beg in a final attempt.
She shakes her head. “No,” she cries. “No, no, no…”
“Fr’Ya…”
I try, but she turns around and runs away, taking my heart with me.
For a moment, I am too stunned to move. Then I shove it all down, focus on my Calm, and slowly rise. If she wants to go, I will take her, and we will leave tomorrow. But tonight, I will drink.
O’Rec and Marra are standing in the hallway. Marra is comforting a crying Fr’Ya.
“We leave tomorrow morning, first thing. Can you make that happen?”
O’Rec nods, and with a nod, I stalk past them and make my way to the bar.
CHAPTER 41
Fr’Ya
I did not sleep last night. I spent some time with the cats, saying goodbye to them. They will be fine, running around and making havoc in Kepti’s Garden.
I kept waiting for T’Rak to come back. Tossing and turning in his bed. I’m angry he doesn’t understand. I’m angry because he said ‘I love you’.
If he would just not be so damn T’Rak-like, it would be so much easier. But it’s not, and it has to be done. I don’t belong here. I belong on Earth.
A little voice inside of me calls my bullshit. It says I’m just too traumatized to trust someone else truly and that I’m only making excuses for myself. If I could only give in to T’Rak, truly give in, I could have a better life with him than I could ever have on Earth.
But I push that little voice away, because it is lying. I need to go home. Home is where I’ll be safe. Home is Earth.
It didn’t stop me from opening the doors and calling the cats to me, who kept me company on the foot of the bed.
Right now, I’m standing in front of the docking station, where a small vessel is now boarded next to T’Rak’s ship. A long-distance cruiser with the best shields and tech possible for the Arracate. All it needs is a pilot. His crew is here, with their mates, and they gave me teary goodbyes. I am jittery with nerves and lack of sleep, and anxious that T’Rak isn’t here.
“Are you sure?” Lauren sniffs for the thousandth time.
“Yes, I have to.” I can’t explain it any better; it’s an inner drive. A need. It hurts though, more than I ever thought it would, but this is the road I’ve chosen and will follow till the end.
Something in my chest flutters, and T’Rak rounds the corner, making my heart skip a beat. He looks awful, like he’s been on an all-night bender.
“Did you get drunk?” Anger courses through my veins.
“No,” he grunts and walks towards the ship. “Are you ready?”
“T’Rak,” Lauren sniffs. For a moment, he softens when he turns around. “We won’t see you again, you big idiot.”
Her words hit me like a freight train. If it would take me 30 years to get to Earth, it would take T’Rak 60 years. His friends will be gone in 60 years. I can’t ask that of him.
“No. No, T’Rak, you can’t take me. It’s too much.”
