Page 83 of A Duchess Bound
“More than I have ever liked a lover,” Gerard clarified. “I wanted her to stay. I wanted there to be something more between us, and I just realized it tonight when she looked at me. But I imagine it has been there for some time, threatening to bloom inside me.”
“Oh.”
“It is best that she not be involved with me,” Gerard said. “Right?”
“That is true.”
Gerard nodded and looked away, his eyes drifting to the window. He had driven her away in the dead of night. Maybe if he drank enough brandy, he could convince himself that she had only left at the end of the night, as most lovers did.
“But,” Halls said delicately. “Sometimes, the heart does not always follow the most rational course of action.”
“Agreed. How frustrating,” Gerard said.
Halls sipped his brandy. “I have no advice to offer, Your Grace, if that is what you desire.”
Gerard sighed. “I know. I do not want advice.”
He wanted the pain to stop. He wanted this to be an amicable break, like he had experienced with Lady Everleigh. But that had not happened.
Damn it! He had done the honorable thing—well, as close to honorable as a man like him could be—and he felt wretched.
CHAPTER 29
Dorothy had wept so much and so hard that her throat was raw and her eyes burning from the wash of her tears. As they rode in the carriage to yet another ball, Dorothy wondered yet again if it was too late for her to feign some ailment and insist on returning home.
She turned her head to the window, eyes drifting over the dark landscape of London. Bridget, who sat across from Dorothy, appeared to be in good spirits. She had a dreamy expression on her face, as if she anticipated a night filled with wonder.
Bridget’s chest ached. Once, she would have been pleased with attending a ball. She would have looked forward to seeing Gerard again. Even though she had sometimes acted as though she was vexed with him, she found herself longing for the man. He haunted her every waking moment and a large portion of her dreams.
“Dorothy,” Elias said.
She turned her head towards him. “Hm?”
Elias glanced at Bridget, who seemed oblivious to his scrutiny. He turned back to Dorothy with a raised eyebrow, as though asking some silent question. Perhaps, he assumed that she and Bridget had quarreled.
“You have been quiet,” Elias said. “I do not think you have said a word since we left, in fact.”
“I am only thinking,” Dorothy said. “It has been an…eventful Season. Bridget has not lacked for suitors.”
“Indeed, I have not,” Bridget said.
Dorothy caught the note of something tense in her sister’s voice. Bridget sounded as though she was prepared to fight, and Dorothy could think of little more exhausting than a quarrel. Dorothy let herself slump just a little against the seat, even though doing so was not ladylike.
“Am I correct in my estimation that it is time for us to narrow the field of potential suitors?” Elias asked. “Or are we still considering—well—everyone?”
“There is no need to narrow the field at all,” Dorothy said absentmindedly. “The more suitors vying for Bridget’s attention, the better.”
“Agreed,” Bridget said.
Gerard furrowed his brow. “But Dorothy, you have been so concerned with ensuring that only acceptable suitors are vying for Bridget’s hand. I would imagine that, given how far into the Season we are, we have higher standards for Bridget’s potential matches now.”
Dorothy offered only a tired shrug. She had not ceased caring about Bridget’s Season, but Bridget’s voiced frustrations still echoed in her mind. Dorothy could not find it within herself to prepare for another battle with her sister; she simply had no will to quarrel when her thoughts were all consumed with Gerard.
And why should they be? Gerard had proven himself to be precisely the man she had thought he would be, an incurable rake who had only wanted to take her virtue and who had left her with nothing. She should not be upset that he was gone from her life, for he was not a good man. If anything, she ought to be relieved that they had concluded their affair before being caught.
“Bridget will make her choice,” Dorothy said, realizing that her brother still watched her, waiting for an answer. “And he will be a good man. There is no need to make courtship more complicated.”
“I agree,” Bridget said, sounding pleased.
