Page 100 of A Duchess Bound
The man Dorothy wanted. The man she loved, even if he had rejected her.
Andwhyhad he done that? Her heart hammered against her rib cage, her mind lost in a desperate bid to find understanding that would not come. Dorothy’s bedchamber was suffocating her. It was as though there was not enough air in the room to satisfy her.
She slipped quietly from her bedchamber, clad in her nightgown and a wrapper. The halls were quiet, the house still. Dorothy pushed the doors open and stepped into the gardens. The air was warm, and a faint breeze stirred her hair.
She was not alone. Dorothy’s breath hitched as she spied the dark figure in the gardens.
He turned to her. “Dorothy.”
She shivered. “Gerard.”
“Yes.”
They stared at one another. The air between them seemed as if it was charged with lightning, as though a tempest was rolling between them. Gerard stepped forward and cleared his throat. “I…I cannot decide if it is for better or worse—us talking about the marriage.”
“I do not know either.”
Gerard sighed deeply. “I was speaking to Leedway about your sister’s pin money. You will be pleased to know that the amountis agreeable to us both. Lady Bridget will be able to live a life which most young women would envy. She may attend every ball and soiree. If she wishes, her wardrobe will have an endless number of gowns in all the latest fashions, and once I have my heir, I will be content to leave her to her own devices.”
“That is generous,” Dorothy said.
Gerard’s smile was brittle. “I would not have offered to save your sister if I did not intend to do everything right.”
Dorothy sighed. “You would not marry me.”
“No,” Gerard said. “If I were a better man, maybe I could have. It is just that I fear you will…I fear that there is a better man who deserves you more than me.”
“I am a spinster,” Dorothy said. “If such a man existed, I would have found him already.”
“Maybe so,” Gerard conceded. “But I—I cannot be…”
Dorothy closed her eyes and inhaled softly. “I know that you have already agreed to marry Bridget, and I cannot deny that you have saved her reputation. I want to thank you for it.”
“But you cannot.”
“No,” she said, sighing. “Because I—I wish that you were marrying me instead. I know you rejected me, but?—”
“It was only because I am insufficient for you,” he interrupted. “I am unworthy of you, and I thought that it was best for us to part ways before I hurt you any further.”
“You hurt me most of all by rejecting me,” she said. “Why do you—Gerard?—”
“Are you certain that you wish to keep discussing this?” Gerard asked, his face pained. “My dear one, I am to marry your sister. We cannot?—”
“But I wish to!” she cried. “I cannot bear keeping all these feelings inside any longer!”
His breath audibly hitched. “I do not know if I should listen, but I will.”
“I wish that you had not decided to be so selfless!” Dorothy exclaimed. “Why could you not have letmedecide if you were worthy of me?”
“Because you would have said that I was,” Gerard replied. “You would have devalued yourself if we had continued our affair!”
“No,” Dorothy said. “No, because you are not as bad as you claim. We were good together. I loved you. I loved every minute that I spent with you and everything that I learned from you.Now, I have to spend the rest of my life without you. Worse—I have to spend the rest of my life knowing that you are married to my sister!”
“You love her dearly, though,” Gerard said softly. “Will you not be pleased knowing that she will be cared for?”
“Yes! But I want to be selfish!” Dorothy exclaimed, her eyes brimming with tears. “And I want you to be selfish, too!”
Gerard took a step forward. He raised his hand and caressed her arm. Her breath hitched at the tender intimacy of the gesture and from the gentleness with which he gazed at her.
