Page 94 of We Were Something
“I’m sorry for laughing. There’s a part of me that thinks laughing next to your bedside when you’re stuck in limbo isn’t fair, but everything about my relationship with your son makes me want to laugh because it’s so ridiculous.”
I shake my head and lean back in my chair.
“I’ll start with the things that will probably concern you the most,” I tell her. “I’m 16 years younger than Logan. I’m 24. That was a big issue for him at the start, and man did he put up a good fight. But the heart wants what the heart wants and all that, you know? I’m also chronically late. It’s a trait I get from my dad, which is the worst. But I really do try not to be. It’s just…doing my hair and makeup takes so much time and it’s so much fun that sometimes I lose track of the clock.”
Tapping my fingers against my thigh, I try to think of what else I should share with her.
“I was also raised in a home with two very under-involved parents. I don’t know why that matters exactly, but I remember a boy I liked in high school’s mom making a comment about it, like it was a bad thing for her son to be involved with someone who has so much independence.”
I glance around at all the wires connected to her, the ones stuck into her veins and patched to her skin, keeping track of her vitals so the medical team can rush in here if anything goes wrong.
“But I think being independent has made me a pretty decent person,” I continue. “The type of person who can make your son happy without stealing him away from his job, at least. From what I’ve learned, he’s pretty great at it. He’s actually doing this really cool clinical trial with my best friend’s little sister, trying to help her overcome this really horrible disease in her blood that has pretty much robbed her of most of her childhood.”
I lean forward so I can lower my voice.
“And, can I tell you a secret?”
Obviously, Mrs. Becker doesn’t respond, so I continue.
“I think I’m falling in love with him.”
We sit there together in silence for a long moment as I process the fact that I just verbalized that thought.
“I’ve never fallen in love with anyone before, and it’s terrifying. Probably the scariest thing I’ve ever been through, and…” I let out a long breath. “And I’ve been through some pretty hard things, so that’s saying something.” I reach out and slip my hand into hers, stroking my thumb along the aged skin. “The thing about falling in love with someone I was completely unprepared for is that it hurts me to see him in pain. And you, being here in this bed, not waking up? God, if you could see the way he watches you, you’d know you’re the most important person in his life. I don’t know if anyone is ever really prepared to lose someone they love, but I know Logan is not ready to lose you yet.”
Squeezing her hand gently, I try to infuse my voice with all the confidence I can muster.
“So youhaveto get better, okay? Don’t walk toward any bright lights. Turn away and walk very purposefully in the opposite direction. Because that’s where your son is waiting for you.”
I squeeze her hand one more time then stand, turning to move my chair back into the corner but startling when I see Jen standing at the doorway.
“Oh my god,” I say, putting my hand to my chest and letting out a nervous laugh. “You scared the shit out of me.”
She’s watching me with an unreadable expression, but it’s definitely something more on the sad end of things rather than angry.
“How did things go with Rodney’s parents?” I ask, trying to be friendly as I shuffle the massive armchair back into the corner. “I can’t imagine—”
“I need you to leave,” Jen says, her voice soft.
I glance around, slightly confused. “I…amleaving. I was only in here for a few minutes.”
She shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes.
“No. I mean Seattle. You need to leave Seattle. Go home, back to your life, and leave Logan and his mother here.”
My brows furrow. Is she seriously asking me…
“All your being here does is complicates things,” she continues. “And complication isnotwhat Logan needs right now. It’s not what Nancy needs. It’s not whatIneed. The three of us are a family. Can’t you see that? We have been for fifteen years, and what we need now is time to be together, to sort through things and decide what happens next.”
My shoulders drop when I understand what she means. What she wants.
“You want him back,” I whisper.
A sob breaks free from her chest and she points a finger at me as tears stream freely down her face. “No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to insert yourself into things that don’t concern you.”
“But itdoesconcern me. IloveLogan,” I tell her, the words falling from my mouth faster than I can think them through. They’re the truth nonetheless.
“You don’tlovehim. You barely know him.Ilove him. He’s my husband. We were together for nearly twenty years. We’ve been through the unimaginable together, have weathered all the storms that come with being a couple for two decades, and that includes a depth of love you don’t ever forget.”
