Page 70 of We Were Something
“No!” I exclaim, flying back up to a sitting position. “Absolutely not. I mean, I don’t like the city. And, my life is here, you know? My friends are here. My…”
I trail off, feeling a very sudden sting of awareness.
What else is here?
My friends and…
I glance out to the water, wishing I could shove this thought out of my mind but unable to figure out how to get rid of the seed that has just been planted.
DoI have a life here? Really?
Yeah, I have friends. Good friends…amazingfriends. People I love more than life, who I’ve known since I was a kid.
But they’re all coupled up and creating families, and it won’t be that much longer before they leave me behind.
And my parents? My dad is almost never around anymore, his interests falling more toward spending time with the women he cheats on my mom with. My mom is constantly bustling around , her schedule alternating between spending time with her girlfriends at the country club and trying to get rid of me. Their lives don’t really involve me these days.
So that just leaves Logan. A man 16 years my senior who I am—I can’t believe I’m admitting this to myself—falling for, but I’ve never really understood how he sees us. Whether he wants us to be anything real or not.
I mean, is this very new, unclear relationship with him the only thing truly tethering me to Hermosa?
“What if you went back to schoolhere? Got your degree at some fashion school here in LA?” Logan suggests. “Or, hell, just get an entry-level job somewhere working in fashion. Like your friend from the store.”
I snort, thinking of Cohen and the fact that Logan thinks his job is entry level.
“It’s not that easy,” I tell him, not wanting to get into all the specifics of why I never went back to school after leaving New York.
Especially not on whatshouldbe a romantic, sexy trip on his boat. The last thing I need right now is to continue leaning into this existential crisis that seems to have come out of nowhere.
“Well, I get that. But something being difficult shouldn’t get in your way so intensely that you give up altogether, right? I mean…what do you want to do with your life?” he asks. “You’ll have to do something at some point. You won’t be able to just…”
His words cut off abruptly and he eyes me for a second before turning to look awkwardly out to the water.
I’m glad he’s looking away and grateful for the relief of the cool wind whipping at my cheeks, because they’ve flushed at the understanding of what he was likelyaboutto say.
“I won’t be able to just mooch off my parents’ money forever.”
It comes out thick and full of attitude, because sassing back is how I handle myself when I feel attacked.
Maybe later, I’ll be able to understand what would ever cause Logan to say something like that, but right now, when I’m feeling particularly raw, it’s not something I’m prepared to deal with.
Logan sighs. “I didn’t mean it the way it came out, Paige. I just…wonder what you do with all your free time. If you’re not working or going to school…it’s normal for me to be curious, right?”
I grit my teeth and look off to the west, where Santa Barbara Island is looming in the distance, growing closer with each passing moment.
There’s no true way to explain to him what happened without telling himwhat happened. That when I came back from New York I was a different person, that I was lost and empty and broken in so many ways, that it took me what felt like forever to pick myself back up again.
Penny knows, and Lennon knows. But I don’t talk about it, instead trying as hard as I can to fit back into my old life. Trying to be the old me. Smiling, dancing, drinking. The life of the party.
Because that’s the Paige everyone loves. That’s the friend. That’s the daughter. Not some…shell of myself who wondered how she’d continue existing when her world had been altered so significantly.
Ultimately, though, I’ve just been trying to find a way to shut out the pain and silence the voices telling me I’m defective. Telling me I can never be enough, so why even try.
But there’s no way I’m going to tell him that. Instead, I toss back the rest of my gin and tonic in one long gulp. Then I say what has always worked in the past when trying to get someone off my back.
“Yeah, you’re right. I guess that’s a lot to think about.”
CHAPTER14
