Page 89 of We Were Something
Intoxicating.Mind-numbing. Toe-curling.
All I was able to think about was her body under my hands, her skin, her lips, her taste, the exquisite feel of moving inside of her.
And then I nearly ruined it by saying the thing. Thestupidfucking thing about my ex and then Paige being a fling.
I almost meant it as a joke, becauseof courseit would need to be the last woman I ever could have imagined for myself that changes everything for me—someone so much younger, someone whoshouldbe a fling.
But isn’t.
Fuck it. She isn’t a damn fling.
It’s time I’m honest with myself about what I feel for her. About the way her smile and laugh settle my soul. The way her hand slipping into mine soothes me in a way nothing else can.
I’ve never felt so at home when with another person. Ever. And I was married to Jen for nearly fifteen years.
Just the fact that Paige is here, now…it means something. Something big and important, though things are too hectic and scattered to try to really sort through it all. There’s no time to have this kind of conversation. No right moment to say ‘I think I’m falling in love with you’ when my mother is fighting for her life inside of a glass cube.
So instead, I said nothing.
I said nothing all morning, just sitting here and pondering what kind of fucked-up world would create an existence where my mother would end up in a car accident so bad, sustain injuries so severe she’d need to be on a ventilator.
I hear a sniffle behind me, and when I glance back at Jen, I see that she’s awake again, staring off down the hall, her eyes glazed over.
I keep forgetting. My mind is so focused on my mother that I keep forgetting I’m not the only one suffering.
Rodney died in the crash.
The man my wife left me for, the man she had an affair with, who got her pregnant, died in the ambulance on the way from the crash site to the hospital.
I can’t imagine what Jen is feeling right now. Can’t imagine the loss, the grief, the fear and trepidation at the unknown that’s rolling through her. Which is why I restrained myself from saying anything more cutting earlier when she was trying to chip away at Paige, her words coming out in angry barbs because that’s how she handles her pain.
Yesterday, the father of her child was driving her ex-mother-in-law to the pharmacy so she could pick up her blood pressure medication.
Today, he’s dead, and she’s lying in a coma.
Like I said…what kind of fucked-up world createdthis.
My phone buzzes again, and I smile as a picture comes through of my mom’s cat, Irish, snuggled in Paige’s arms.
Paige: He’s all fed and very snuggly. I’m going to give him a little attention before grabbing everything. I should be back in about an hour or so.
Me: Take your time
“A message from your fuck buddy?”
Gritting my teeth, I look over at Jen, finding her red, narrowed eyes watching me, her arms crossed.
“Don’t talk about Paige like that.”
I tuck my phone in my pocket then take a seat next to her, rubbing my hands on my jeans.
“I’m sorry,” she says, frustration still evident in her tone. “But no girl sleeps with a man your age without expecting to be taken care of. And don’t tell me you’re not sleeping with her, because you’veneverbeen a good liar.”
Shaking my head, I lean to the side and rest my head on my hand, wishing I had the balls to send Jen away. But I don’t. Not knowing Rodney is gone, and not when I know Jen loves my mom, regardless of what happened between us. Sending Jen away from my mother when she’s dealing with such intense grief is the cruelest thing I could do.
Which is why I use it as a threat only.
“What I am doing with Paige is none of your business,” I tell her, my voice flat and tired. “But if you want to be here with the two of us as we wait for mom to wake up, you’re going to be nicer, or I’ll ask you to leave.”
