Page 50 of Give My Everything
Ben doesn’t bring up the kiss in the car when we go out again on Friday.
I can’t tell if I’m relieved or resentful.
We go more casual, grabbing some burgers at Beachside Brewing. Thankfully, we don’t have any more run-ins with other people we know who might want to eat with us.
That doesn’t mean there aren’t eyes on us, though. I notice a few people take pictures out of the corner of my eye.
“Don’t look at them,” Ben murmured to me when the first flash went off.
I simply narrowed my eyes at him and took another bite.
Thankfully, we’ve been able to stay in the comfortable groove we momentarily found in front of Frosé, our conversations feeling full of both information and laughter.
It seems like as long as I focus on things between Ben and me staying strictly in the friend zone, we’ll be fine.
So we’ll be friends without bennies. Until we’re engaged without bennies and then married without bennies.
Soundssoawesome.
Not.
I hadn’t considered sex as a part of our deal, but now that I know it’s off the table, it’s all I can think about. I wonder if no sex is what normal marriages are like, which is why people find mistresses and misters. Will I end up having one of those?
I don’t like that idea, but I can’t imagine being in a sexless relationship. Mostly because Ilovesex. I love the control and the pleasure and the emotional high.
Too bad Ben feels differently—about sex or about me, I can’t tell, but my guess is that it’s me.
He was super hard in his car after he drove me home from our first date. I could feel him through his slacks, that rigid length was perfection as I rocked against him.
But he pushed me off.
So it’s probably not the sex. It’s probably me.
Which is definitelynota confidence killer or anything.
Who knows, maybe he’s planning to have a mistress. Or he already has one, someone to sate his sexual appetite while he marries the girl his family will approve of.
I’m not a fan of that idea at all.
Although, I’m not sure what I dislike more: the idea of him meeting his sexual needs with someone else, or the fact that I’m feeling jealous.
Now it’s Sunday and we’re going to a movie hosted by the city council at the pier.Jaws—so unique.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been to one of the summer showings, an August staple in the community I grew up in. I think everyone loves it so much because it’s a way to distract from what’s coming.
A new school year, for many. Change, for some. A shift in the weather, though not as drastically here as other places.
I wish a movie at the beach was enough to distract me from the change on the horizon.
Too bad there isn’t anything that can really accomplish that.
“Remmy.”
My brother Mathias—younger than Dominic, older than me—grabs my attention from where he stands at the door.
“Yourboyfriendis here.”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t say boyfriend like that. You sound like an idiot.”
