Page 119 of Give My Everything
Now that I’ve told him, I have two completely new sets of emotions rolling through me. One says I should take it back and sprint away to hide in my room, and the other sights in relief that I was able to get it out and wants to run upstairs to pack a bag.
My brother leans back in his chair, his elbows resting on the arm rests and his fingers twisting together over his chest as he studies me.
I know poking the bear won’t lead to anything good. So I wait, sitting across from him while his eyes, sharp with knowledge and wisdom, attempt to bore holes through my body.
He nods once. “That’s what I thought you said.” His hand comes up to scrub at his chin, smooth from the barber’s shave he gets once a week before leaving for the office. Then he reaches out and picks up his coffee cup to take a sip.
Once he settles it into the saucer once more and leans back, I feel my body brace for impact.
“I think it’s a great idea.”
My shoulders fall, and I feel confusion flood my system. “Seriously?”
Dominic laughs, a rare thing for him and something I so miss. “Of course.” His eyes soften, and a warm, soothing sensation coats the insides of my body, covering my nerves and calming my jitters. “This is the man who is planning to act as the father to your baby when it isn’t his, am I right?”
I nod. “Yeah.” My voice is thick.
“Then why should you not be next to him, where he can take care of you and support you both?”
Shifting in my seat, my mind races trying to understand whythisis the time my brother decides to blow my mind.
“You look confused.”
“Iamconfused,” I reply.
“Why?”
“Because you’re flipping the script. You were telling me before that he wasinterestingbecause he was willing to be the father, and you’re supposed to tell me only easy women move in with a man before they get married. How many times have we been told a man doesn’t buy a cow if you give the milk away for free?”
“I’ve been watching you with him for weeks. I might not think he’s the right guy for you, might think he has more to prove if he wants the chance to be, butyouare the one who makes that choice in the end.Youare the one who will have to live with your choice.”
And then Dominic leans forward and focuses his attention on me with a ferocity I haven’t seen from him in a long time.
“And I want to be clear about something. You are not a cow,” he says firmly through gritted teeth. “And you’re not for sale. Your value has nothing to do with sex.”
It feels like I’ve been slammed in the chest with a cannonball as everything within me shifts and flexes at Dom’s declaration. It’s like I’ve been staring at words on a page for so long, and he’s come along and pulled it out of my hands, flipping it over so I can read what I once was trying to understand upside down.
I swallow awkwardly as I assess my brother, the man I snapped at last night and begged to be my brother again. I feel so thankful for his opinion right now, his empowerment, his choice to return my agency to me.
Maybe that’s the part of growing up I’ve been struggling with the most—balancing my own independence with the expectations my family has for me. I want to value my parents’ opinions and live up to what they want for me, but I also want them to believe in me and support me as I flounder around figuring out what I want formyself.
“Will you help me tell mom and dad?” I ask, my voice a whisper.
As brave as I was feeling when I got home, I know it will feel different trying to tell my parents.
Dom reaches out and puts his hand over mine.
“I love you, Remmy, and I support you always. But that’s a battle you have to fight on your own.”
I have every intention of telling my parents. I really do. But the cowardly part of me believes it will be easier to do so if I’ve already moved in with Ben.
That way I’m letting them know what I’m doing, not asking for their permission.
I pull out just the primarily important things: a suitcase full of clothes, my makeup and hair care toiletries, and a handful of photos from my bookshelf.
The picture of me and Lucas stays behind.
When I finally get to Ben’s, it’s nearing sundown, the entire day having passed me by as I packed and wandered around my childhood home, reminiscing about memories from forever ago as I went from room to room.
