Page 63 of Give My Everything
“Holy fucking shit, Rem!” he cries, the happiness on his face the most shocking thing I’ve ever seen or experienced in my life.
He rushes at me, yanking me out of my chair into a hug I didn’t realize I desperately needed until right now as my brother crushes me to his chest.
I cling to him, the emotions pulsing through me until they leak out of my eyes and onto his wrinkled, cigarette-smelling blue shirt. I don’t even care that he smells like an ashtray.
“Hey, hey, hey,” he says, his voice soothing and kind and loving. “Remmy girl, you okay?”
He pulls back slightly and looks at my face, his brow pinching when he sees my tears.
“What’s the crying for?”
I just shake my head and wrap my arms around him again. How long has it been since I’ve been hugged like this by someone in my family?
God. I can’t even say.
Months, at least. Probably longer.
It feels like an incredible weight is falling from my shoulders at this embrace.
“I’m just scared,” I whisper, my words just for Mati, just for my younger older brother who might normally be a tornado but right now is the calm in the storm.
“Oh sweet girl, no need to be scared.”
I know his words are meant to be reassuring. I try desperately to cling to them as much as I’m clinging to Mati himself, but they ring hollow.
Because he doesn’t know why I’m scared. Not really.
Neither of them do.
Nobody will.
I hold tight to Mati for a few moments longer as I try to gather myself, rein in my emotions, suck back the tears.
Then I step back and dry my eyes, laughing off my display of emotion.
“Pregnancy hormones, you know?”
Mati laughs.
Dom watches me with assessing eyes.
I try to smile, try to play things off and relax.
My brothers know now. I should feel relieved.
Ididfeel relieved. For a moment.
But now there’s a pressure sitting on my chest.
A clock that lets me know there isn’t long until everyone knows. Until I can’t keep things secret. Until there are more questions than I’m willing to answer.
But that clock is ticking, ticking, ticking without any hands on the face. I don’t know when my time will be up.
I don’t know when I’ll have to face the things I’m trying so desperately hard to avoid.
CHAPTER11
BEN
