Page 148 of Give My Everything
It’s been a long time since I’ve ridden a bike, so I mistakenly wore a dress I had to tie between my legs so it doesn’t show my lady business or get stuck in the gears.
“They’re doing the volleyball tournament coming up soon,” Ben tells me as we get closer to the pier, his attention focused in the distance, where construction workers are beginning to set up structured bleachers around a sand court.
“I completely forgot about that. I used to love coming down here with Mati and Dom when we were kids.”
My brothers, tasked with watching me since I was only a kid and they were a few years older—still kids, but hey, that’s parent logic sometimes—wanted to watch the athletes jumping around in the two-piece swimsuits beach volleyball women wear.
Well, Dom wanted to watch. Mati just went along with it.
“One time, we were seated in the bleachers and they weren’t paying attention, so I snuck all the way down to sand level. I was actually sitting next to the coaches, watching the game.” I chuckle thinking about it. “I don’t know if I realized I wasn’t supposed to be there or not, but I definitely found out for sure later.”
“What happened?”
“A friend of my mom’s was watching it on TV and saw me sitting there by myself, called her up to laugh about it. My brothers got in so much trouble for letting me wander off.”
Ben laughs. “That’s funny. I’ve actually never watched one of the matches before. We should go to one together this year.”
Grinning, I reach my hand out to him, our bikes side by side for a second, and take his hand in mine.
I love letting my mind think about the future now. For a lot of my life, the future was a topic or concept I avoided at all costs. It required that I make choices I didn’t want to make.
It feels different now. I’mexcitedabout thinking on future things, all the experiences I get to have with Ben for the first time as we learn more about each other.
Like today. Earlier, he told me about his love for cycling and how he does it nearly five or six days a week. I didn’t know that before, and now, there are decades ahead of us where I’ll get to learn about all the things that make Ben tick.
Eventually, we make it to the pier, both of us shoving our bikes into a rack and locking them together.
Ben looks at his watch and I take a second to untie my dress. “Wanna walk down to the end? Our reservation isn’t for a little bit.”
I nod and he takes my hand in his, the two of us strolling down the length of the wooden pier.
“I haven’t been out here in a long time,” I say, taking a deep breath in. “It’s amazing how being down here completely changes how the ocean smells. It’s like…more powerful. More full.”
“Completely. There’s nothing like the smell of the beach.”
“Do you enjoy living in Hermosa?” I ask, realizing I’ve never heard him say anything about it. “You don’t seem like a beach guy, and you originally planned on leaving.”
Ben shrugs. “I don’tnotenjoy it. Sure, I might have been happier somewhere else at one point or another. I really did enjoy moving away for college, but I don’t know if I have ever really pictured myself living anywhere else.” His head turns to the side. “What about you? Are you going to be happy being here?”
I take a second to think about my answer before I respond, feeling like, for me, it’s a little bit more loaded.
When I moved away to college, I picked somewhere far enough for independence and freedom, but close enough to still come home regularly if I wanted to. I chose a place with enough similarities that I didn’t feel like I was in a completely different world
It’s along the coast, so the landscape is very similar: the same kinds of palm trees; same coastline; same bits of brown, dehydrated mountains in the distance.
But there’s a feeling here I can’t really describe that makes being back in Hermosa Beach feel unlike anything else. Maybe it’s a certain smell, or just the rush of memories. I can’t really place it.
All I know is that I spent years running away—from the people, from the expectations—years that I wasted, clearly. Because even through the uncertainty and emotional ups and downs I’ve experienced since being back here, I still think about it as cominghome, as being back where I belong.
“Yeah,” I finally say, keeping my answer short and sweet, a smile creeping onto my face. “I’m really glad I’m here, with you and back near my family, even though things aren’t perfect. It’s home.”
Ben tugs me closer at my answer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, our long strides matching step by step until we finally make it to the end.
Piers in the South Bay are deceptively long. Once you get to the end and you’re standing on what feels like the edge of the world, the ocean looks even bigger and more intimidating than it does when you’re along the shore.
He stands behind me for a few minutes, his arms wrapped around my front, his hands resting softly against my lower stomach in a gesture of love for this unborn baby that has my heart melting into a puddle.
“What time’s our reservation?” I ask. “Do we have time to watch the sunset?”
