Page 94 of Be Your Anything
“Ithoughtthat was you. I haven’t seen you in a while. How have you been?”
My hands clutch the cloth napkin I’ve been holding in my hands, realizing with a startling clarity that I canbelievewe aren’t doing anything wrong all I want.
But being faced with Remmy’s mother as I’m on a pseudo-date with her daughter’s boyfriend… The icky feeling in my chest makes me feel like I’m drowning in tar.
“You remember Lennon, right?”
My familial programming dictates that I stand and re-introduce myself to Mariana Wallace, but I see the look on her face, the slight rise of her eyebrows as she shakes my hand.
“Lennon Day. Wow. I haven’t seen you in quite a while.”
I nod. “I was away at Brown and working in Paris until just earlier this year. I’m working for my family’s foundation now.”
“Ah,” she says. “How nice.” She turns her head to Lucas. “Well, it was nice seeing you. I’m assuming with Remmy moving home on Monday, I’ll be seeing you around our house a little more often?”
You know how in the movies, there’s that moment when you realize who the killer is, but the charactersinthe film haven’t figured it out yet? And then you spend the rest of the time with this kind of shocked paralysis, watching people getting killed and it just seemsso clearto you, and you wonder how they ever could have missed it?
That’s this moment for me.
It feels like I’ve stepped outside of this interaction, and I’m watching myself, screaming fruitlessly at the screen to get out of here, to move away from the guy you didn’t realize was going to steal your last breath.
I miss the goodbye pleasantries exchanged between Lucas and Mrs. Wallace, even though I think I manage to give her a friendly smile before she turns and heads out the door, likely for a tennis lesson or match with friends.
“Lennon.”
Lucas’ voice sounds muffled, like it’s underwater. That’s the only explanation that makes sense, because I’m drowning. I wonder how I didn’t notice it before.
My eyes find his, and I can’t help but allow myself to look as shocked and wounded as I’ve ever been.
Normally, I wear the mask. I put on the face that will make life easy. Fun. Simple.
Right now, that mask is shattered.
“She’s moving back?”
Lucas’ head falls forward and he clutches the back of his neck. Then he looks at me again, and I can see the truth, whether he wants to tell me or not.
“When did you find out?”
He sighs. “She called and told me yesterday.”
I grit my teeth, my nostrils flaring. “And why didn’t you already tell me? Why didn’t you tell me when I came over last night?”
Lucas watches me in silence, and my stomach pitches over.
He doesn’t have to tell me why.
Iknowwhy.
It’s because he wanted to fuck me first.
And I can’t even be as mad at him as I want to be, because I’ve encouraged this from him. Intentionally tried to fan the flames of his lust in any way I could think of.
But that doesn’t make this moment any easier.
Just because I’m the one who fucked up doesn’t mean I have to like the consequences.
I grab my purse from where it rests on the chair next to mine and spin around, heading for the door. We’ve already stood staring at each other for too long. The last thing we need to do is make a scene.
