Page 77 of Be Your Anything
A big part of me felt thankful.
Thankful I hadn’t needed to evade her physical attention, hadn’t needed to really examine why I didn’t want to sleep with my girlfriend but was willing to steal off in the night to sleep with Lennon, unable to stay away.
I’ve been really struggling with emotions about both of them.
Feeling confused. Conflicted.
Remmy and I have been together for so long that it seems like a waste to throw all of those years away. All of the ups and downs were fought for and hard-earned.
I grip the steering wheel in frustration at the fact that the thought has even crossed through my mind. It makes me feel more unfaithful to Remmy than any amount of sex ever could.
And yet, at the same time, this connection with Lennon is just so…mind-blowing, so off the charts.
It isn’t just the sex, either. I know that kind of thing fades away with time. It’s more than that. It’s a connection we’ve had since we were kids, a friendship I never really thought could ever be more than a friendship.
Well, there was one moment when I thought maybe… Back in high school at Tinsley’s party, that night when we went into the closet together, the night she absolutely fried my brain with that kiss in the laundry room.
I’m sure someone, somewhere, would make fun of me. Make this into a joke. How hard it must be to feel like I’m stuck between two hot chicks.
But the reality is so much different than what it surely seems like on the outside.
These are two amazing women, and they both have feelings that matter.
No matter what, moving forward, someone is going to get hurt. Even though that was never my intention, itisthe reality.
CHAPTER16
LENNON
“…made a dinner together and then watched someOur Planet. Hannah’s thinking about making it a regular thing that she’s calling ‘family time’, if you can believe it.”
I grin at Lucas. “I don’t know Hannah very well, but based on the other things I’ve learned about her, I’m not surprised at all.”
“Really?”
Nodding, I lean forward to lie flat on my board, crossing my arms and then resting my head before looking over at where he floats next to me. “Yeah. I mean, she’s someone who clearly values the concept of family and togetherness, even though she didn’t have a lot of it growing up—perhapsbecauseshe didn’t—so it makes sense that she’d create a little family environment for you guys here.”
Lucas seems to consider what I have to say. “Huh. I never thought about it that way.”
“I’m surprised Paige didn’t point that out to you.”
His face twists. “Paige and I haven’t really spent much time together over the past few days.”
I sit back up on my board, surprised. “How come?”
He sighs but doesn’t look my way. “It’s not a big deal. We’ll get past it.” Then he turns to look behind us. “We’ve let ourselves float too far out if you’re wanting to actually surf,” he says, a horrible attempt at changing the subject.
“My muscles are kind of tired.”
He looks back at me, a bit of mischief in his eyes. “Are they?”
I laugh. “Alright, dirty bird. I’m sore because I still haven’t gotten a new fucking chair.”
“Just go buy your own.”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then whatisthe point?”
