Page 51 of Be Your Anything
Almost like his permission was all I needed, my first tear breaks free, trailing down my cheek and along my jaw, dropping down my neck. Then another follows. And another.
Lucas sits next to me and holds my hand as I cry, as I try to deal with the fact that my dad considered this other woman more important than my mom…more important than me.
That’s a pretty shitty thing to feel when you’re twelve and your body is changing and your hormones are adjusting and everything feels like it’s already a mess all the time.
“Is there anything I can do?” Lucas asks me.
I shake my head. There isn’t anythinganyonecan do.
“What was it like when your dad left?” I ask him, knowing Lucas hasn’t seen his father in years.
He shrugs. “I mean, I didn’t really know the guy that much. Only saw him once a year for a few years back when I was a kid.” He shrugs again. “I don’t think my situation is the same as yours.”
I nod, wishing I felt better, wishing I didn’t have to deal with this, wishing my mom were here to hug me and tell me it would be okay.
But she’s not here. She left, too.
She saw my dad packing, saw me standing in the corner watching, and then told him to leave his key once he left.
Then she disappeared.
And she left me here, all by myself, to deal with this alone.
My mom has always been kind of cold and distant, a woman who doesn’t really have time for anyone else’s emotions. Who knows? Maybe that’s why she and my dad didn’t work.
I don’t really care, though.
I don’t care that they didn’t work. That my mom’s cold. Or that my dad’s selfish.
What I care about is the fact that neither of them cared about me. Neither of them thought of me or prioritized me, and I’m just left here, expected to keep my shit together, to keep my mask firmly in place
“Hey, hey, hey,” I hear Lucas say, and then I feel his hands on my face as he wipes away the tears that have begun to pour like a flood.
Now that the dam has been opened, there’s no holding them back.
And then he’s got me turned slightly so I’m facing him, his hands on my cheeks, his thumbs stroking lightly.
I’m sure I look horrible. I’m sure I look like absolute garbage.
And yet, the way Lucas is looking at me?
God, it feels so good to be looked at like that.
Like I’m important.
Like I matter
Like I’m everything.
“It’s all going to be okay, Len, I promise,” he says gently, sincerely. “And you wanna know why?”
I nod.
“Because no matter what, I’m here for you. Always. And when we’re together, everything’s better, right?”
I grin at him through my tears, feeling my mood lift just slightly at his words.
“You’re my best friend,” he says, and then he follows it up with a whispered, “But don’t tell Otto.”
