Page 112 of Be Your Anything
Though I’m not sure howhappythis hour can truly be.
“But seriously, I’m glad to hear you told her to get stuffed,” she says, dipping a dumpling into her little container of soy sauce. “It’s been a long time since you’ve really stood up for yourself, and Ellison had it coming. It’s a good thing to see.”
I pause, a new piece of sushi freshly plucked and placed on my fork, hovering halfway to my mouth.
“My mom said something like that to me today.”
Paige looks up at me, her doe eyes blinking, waiting for me to continue.
“About me being a pushover. Or…having no backbone. She said I let people treat me like shit.”
The pinched expression Paige tries to hide is all the answer I need, though it isn’t the answer I want. Who wants to hear they’ve been getting shit on and haven’t realized it?
“I mean, I wouldn’t say…”
“Don’t placate me.”
Pause.
“Okay, yeah. Your mom’s right. You’ve slowly become this person who lets other people get away with murder—which is fine if you’re helping to bury the body, butnotfine if what they’re murdering is your sense of worth.”
My shoulders droop and I rest the piece of uneaten sushi back on my plate.
“You were always so confident when we were younger, you know? Not in that overly aggressive way. It was that quiet confidence you honestly only ever see in royalty.”
I scoff.
“I’m serious!” Paige says, giggling. “You used to joke about yourself being a queen and then that kind of fell away at some point. Even thoughIstill think you’re a queen, I wonder ifyoudo.”
I tap my fingers against my leg, trying to figure out why I lost that part of me. I do remember being that way, so sure I was important, so certain I had value.
“Maybe it was at school,” I volunteer. “Being surrounded by a million queens can make anyone feel like their crown isn’t as beautiful anymore.”
She nods around a mouthful of food. Once she’s done eating it, she says, “I don’t think the why really matters, unless you’re trying to figure out why you’re letting yourself still be relegated to the sidelines of your own life, you know?”
My eyes well with tears. “Jesus, Paige. I don’t think I’ve ever heard something phrased so perfectly and yet also feel like a devastating blow.”
She grimaces. “Sorry, babe.”
I shake my head. “Not your fault.”
We continue eating for a few minutes in silence, finishing off the last bits from our plates before paying and stepping outside.
We rode our bikes here today, taking a break from the fancy car rides and extravagant meals. It was a nice change, honestly, and we enjoy the cooling evening as we glide along The Strand, heading back into Hermosa.
“So what’s the plan?” she asks, our bikes moving at a relaxed pace as the sun begins to dip in the sky.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if you’re finally realizing you’ve been a bit of a pushover, what do you do to make sure you don’t keep doing that?”
“Oh.” I try to rack my brain for an answer. “I mean, I thought putting Ellison in her place today was a good start. I assume it will just be something I try to pay attention to as I go.”
“That’s a possibility,” she says. “But there are a few things you can decide on ahead of time so you’re prepared when the moments arise. Like, if your dad calls again, or if Ellison fucks with you any more…or if Lucas shows up.”
I scoff. “Well I won’t be answering my dad’s calls, I can promise you that.”
Paige giggles.
