Page 78 of Be Your Anything
“That the office administrator won’t buy me a chair unless I ask for it directly. It’s like she doesn’t want to take direction from my assistant or something.”
Lucas pauses, his eyes assessing me for a long moment before he speaks again. “Can I ask you something?”
I nod.
“Why did you take a job at the foundation?” He watches me, his eyes never leaving my face. “I mean, you’ve listened to them your whole life. You went to the college they wanted you to go to and got a degree you said probably wouldn’t interest you at all, and then you come back to work for your mom and grandfather.” He lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. Don’t you ever get to decide anything for yourself? Do whatyouwant?”
I pull out my regular answer without batting an eye. “It’s just what the family expects of me.”
“You talk about them like they’re the mafia.”
I chuckle. “Well, they’re kind of exactly like the mafia, just without all the murders.” I pause. “I’m pretty sure.”
Lucas grimaces. “That’s terrifying.”
“It’s a difficult thing to be a part of, Lucas, a family like mine. I mean, you saw what it was like for me growing up. It was different for you.”
“You mean because my mom didn’t give a fuck.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It might not be what you said, but it’s the truth.”
“No it’s not. Your mom loves you.”
He sighs. “Yeah, in her own way. That’s what people keep telling me.”
We float in silence for a minute, neither of us pretending we want to surf anymore.
“When I say it was different, I’m talking about the fact that I don’t have much room for choice,” I say, my voice quiet, the only other sounds coming from the crashing waves at the shore and the seagulls flying above. “You’ve always had every choice available to you. You’ve been free to decide what you want.” I pause. “Whoyou want.”
“And you can’t?”
I shake my head.
“Bullshit.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I. You can choose what you want, who you want, when you want. You just have to be willing to deal with your family being disappointed in you.”
“Well, that kind of fear is its own prison. I can promise you that.”
He sighs, and we spend a few more moments in silence.
“You didn’t say anything about Hannah,” he says.
I look at him in confusion, not following his thought process.
“When I told you about me and Wyatt, and bringing Hannah here…you didn’t say anything about it.”
“What was I supposed to say?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I just…assumed you’d have an opinion.” He grins at me. “You usually do.”
“I’m not going to judge you because you did something you regret, Lucas. You and Wyatt have dealt with that, and Hannah agreed to move forward.”
“So you don’t think I’m a horrible person?”
