Page 66 of Be Your Anything
A few minutes later, almost all of us are up on the roof. Paige, Hannah, and Eleanor—Hannah’s friend from work—are in the Jacuzzi, chatting and giggling about who knows what. Wyatt, Ben, and Ivy are playing a card game at one of the tables. Ji-Eun and Tabitha are wrapped in a blanket, watching the sunset out on the pavers where the usable space ends and the actual roof begins.
My eyes flick over everyone who’s up here again when I realize I don’t see Lennon anywhere.
“She’s still downstairs.”
My entire body tenses when I hear what Remmy says from where she sits next to me on her own lounger.
I look over at her, shocked not only at her words, but at the soft expression on her face when she says them.
“Who is?”
Remmy gives me a look, one that says I’m not fooling anyone, then drops her glasses onto her face.
“Lennon, obviously.”
I glance around, glad no one else is sitting near us for whatever this conversation is about to be.
“You don’t have to try to hide it, you know. I mean, I can understand why you’ve been trying to keep it secret, and I appreciate you taking my feelings into consideration. But really, if I wasn’t prepared for you to have sex with someone else, I wouldn’t have said I wanted an open relationship.”
She takes a sip from her drink, looking casual, like we’re discussing the weather.
I’m so stunned I can barely think straight. Words won’t come out of my mouth, won’t form in my brain. I don’t know how to respond or react, so I just sit there, mute, the picture of shock as Remmy keeps talking.
“Be careful, though. Okay?” she adds, glancing back at me, dipping her glasses low she can peer at me over their rims. “I’m pretty sure she’s been in love with you since we were in high school. If you’re not careful, you’ll probably really hurt her, and even though Ishouldbe angry that someone I know is falling in love with my boyfriend, I know what it’s like to have sex with you and be the sole focus of your attention. Having a heart that’s capable of being broken by you is not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.”
“I don’t…” I struggle to get the words out, because talking about this with Remmy feels wrong. “I don’t want to hurt Lennon. I’dneverwant to hurt her.”
I think Remmy might be right. It might be something I’ve been too foolish to realize, might be what Paige has been trying to point out to me without betraying Lennon’s trust.
That Lennon’s feelings for me might be deeper than either of us ever intended when this all started.
But what I don’t say is that mine might be deeper, too.
“Just be careful,” Remmy finally says, her voice soft, her eyes searching mine.
Then she pushes her glasses back in place and settles into her chair, like we’re chatting about stocks and not the fact that I’ve been having sex with someone else.
Fuck, this is weird.
And so like Remmy to just talk about it out in the open like it doesn’t matter.
It’s also very Remmy to refer to others as people with hearts, implying that she doesn’t have one, something she’s been pretty vocal about since we were younger.
I sigh, settling into my own lounger and watching the sun dip lower in the sky.
Yeah, this is definitely not how I thought this evening was going to go.
“The fireworks are about to start.”
It’s the first thing I’ve heard Lennon say directly to me all day, and I feel like my attention has been immediately snagged.
But when I look at her, I realize she was talking to Paige, who’s standing next to me, on the outside of the Jacuzzi.
Lennon looks away immediately and goes back to the magazine she’s been flipping through ever since we finished up dinner a little while ago, but I allow myself this moment to watch her, a moment when Remmy has stepped away to grab some drinks for us.
“You know you’re an asshole, right?”
Paige’s words are said quietly but clearly, right into my ear.
