Page 46 of Be Your Anything
“Ditzy Day, always a little lost.”
I nearly cracked my phone in half.
The nerve of this bitch for thinking it’s okay to pull in some drama from high school…
Even now, as I’m clopping ungracefully down the stairs like a horse on cobblestone streets, I’m fuming and sure my normally indecipherable mask is doing little to hide how frustrated I am.
I try so hard not to be a bitch to anyone, even the people I can’t stand—especiallyEllison, mostly because I know if I let even a little bit of my hatred for her out, it will all come pouring through me like a broken dam.
But today, I can barely handle keeping it inside.
Which is why I’m leaving work early and heading off to Harbor’s to meet Paige.
Ditzy Day my fucking ass.
I know I’m a little airheaded sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with her shit, with what she’s implying—that I’m basically a worthless bag of bones only good for my looks and my money.
It was something I loathed in high school, and I still feel the same way now.
I’ve worked my ass off to tone down that bit of bubble-headedness that made me sound slightly less intelligent than my peers. My family made it clear that I needed to be a strong Roth representative when I moved to the east coast, and it became apparent very quickly when I arrived at Brown that Ivy League students and their wealthy families didnottalk like I did.
I busted my buns and managed to graduate with honors, on time,andwith a job offer to work in Europe. I mean, I wasn’t valedictorian or anything—let’s not be ridiculous—but I did myself proud, and a degree from Brown is nothing to spit at.
Too bad a split second with Ellison Marie Tillman makes me feel like all that work was all for nothing.
What drives me absolutely insane is that I know if I just mentioned this to my family, it would be snuffed out in an instant. Ellison might be from an old money family, but that’s the thing about wealth and power and status.
There’s always someone who wields more of it than you.
Our world is a chessboard, and whileIhave never had any interest in playing any games outside the bedroom, my family holds all the power along the western coast. If I wanted Ellison fired? I could have it immediately. I could erase her access to the world she clings to with a simple snap of my fingers.
But that’s not how I work. I’ve promised myself for a long time that I’d never do anything that harms someone else or simply serves my own benefit.
Knocking Ellison down a peg or ten would definitely constitute both. So, I put up with her shit, trying to take the moral high ground.
Today, though, I felt pushed to the very edges of my limits.
Once I make it out to my car, I chuck my purse angrily into the passenger seat and plop unceremoniously into the driver’s side, yanking my phone out and firing off a text to Lucas as quickly as I can.
Me: Meeting a few girls at Harbor’s, but you know I’m never too busy for you
I back out of my parking space then fly out of the lot and onto the streets of Hermosa Beach.
After my interaction with Ellison this afternoon, I most definitely need to blow off some steam, and nothing sounds better than working it out on Lucas’ body.
The idea of pretending Lucas is an older guy—maybe a friend of my family and we’re breaking some rules by hooking up—sounds really hot, though I haven’t decided for sure which little game I want to play tonight. I’m just glad Lucas is usually down for whatever I suggest.
There were a handful of guys I slept with in college, dude-bros from our brother fraternity that were an absolute waste of time. My vagina should have had much better things to do, especially since none of them wanted to indulge in some of the rougher things I so enjoy.
Sure, they might have pretended for a few minutes when we were first getting physically acquainted, might have spanked me once or twice with a look of nervousness and acted like it wasn’t a big deal to them that I wanted to be held down or bossed around.
I mean, I watch a healthy amount of porn. I just assumed guys actually liked that stuff as much as I do. It sure as shit turnsmeon, but apparently, most men just want to get their dick wet in whatever is the easiest way.
I might have to appear prim and proper in the day-to-day world, but in my nights, I want a man who gives and takes with purpose.
Needless to say, the kind of passive desire available to me didn’t float my boat the way they seemed to think it would, and I’ve never allowed things to progress past a few sexual encounters with any one man.
Paige thinks I just wasn’t sleeping with mature enough men who know what they’re doing, though her legitimate interest in older men pushes even my boundaries a little bit.
