Page 127 of Be Your Anything
“What do you mean?”
“A few weeks ago, we were watching this thing on Netflix and there was a group of birds that were helping one find his mate. I told Lucas I could picture him and the boys doing it to win over his true love one day.” She shrugs, waving her hand to the side. “And there it was.”
I can’t get my own smile to go away for the rest of the night, and I enjoy my time with the girls immensely, allowing myself to have a glass or two too many of the fantastic wine we purchase for the table.
“Do you know yet what you’re gonna do on Saturday?” Paige asks as the car pulls up in front of my house later that evening.
We’re the last two, something I know Paige engineered since the other girls live all over town and it made no sense for the two of us to be the last ones dropped off.
I sigh and settle back in my seat, my muscles melting into the heated leather. I’ve been thinking about this nonstop.
About forgiveness and love and whether or not Lucas and I have what it takes to try something.
The door opens and I take Teddy’s hand, sliding out of the car and thanking him for the ride.
Paige climbs out behind me, asking Teddy to wait for a few minutes.
“Well?” she asks as we walk to the door that faces the street, the one that leads into my courtyard.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Really? All the flowers and the phone chat and the chair and the ad and…” She mimes lifting a hat on and off her head like a barbershop singer. “That wasn’t enough?”
I sigh. “Paige, I don’t know how to explain it to you, how I felt that day when I realized he’d lied to me about Remmy. When I found out things would be over…it made me feel like trash, like I was absolutely worthless.” I shove my key into the lock and nudge the door open. “You don’t just forget that because someone sends you flowers and sings you a song, okay?”
I stumble slightly when I make my way into my courtyard, my eyes widening when I see the space has been filled with twinkling fairy lights and candles.
And Lucas, a bouquet of flowers hanging at his side, a heartbroken look on his face.
I know instantly that he heard me—my voice carries when I’ve been drinking. I’m a bit of a loud drunk, and right now I’ve got a healthy level of tipsy going on.
Everything I said was true, even if it came from a place of inebriation.
But that doesn’t make me feel any better.
Because knowing something I said put that look on Lucas’ face? It kills me.
“I’m gonna…” Paige points at the door, and then her heels clack on the stones as she quickly heads back out to the car.
I hear the door to the street shut behind me, and then the car starts up and drives away, leaving just the soft, distant sound of crashing waves on the other side of my house.
“Lucas, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“Lennon.” His interruption is unsurprising, but what he says nextisa surprise. “You don’t have to apologize. Everything you said was true.”
I stand awkwardly in the middle of the courtyard in heels and a short dress as Lucas takes a step towards me. And then another. His eyes search my face.
“I’ll be honest, I was hoping for something different when you got home. Not that you’d think I’d done enough—because I’ll be honest, I’ll never be able to do enough to tell you how much I love you, how much I regret what happened—but Iwashoping you’d be happier. I hoped you’d be smiling, at least.” He shakes his head. “My goal is to make you happy, not for the things I do to upset you.”
“Lucas, that’s not—”
“A part of me thinks I should stop,” he says.
My heart falls. Is this when he tells me two weeks of trying is all I’m worth?
“Not because I want to, but because I don’t want what I’m doing to be causing you pain. So tell me to stop, Lennon. Tell me there’s no way I can be worthy of your love. Tell me to stop because I have no chance, and I’ll believe you. Because I don’t want to keep hurting you when I’m trying to love you.”
He steps forward again, and again, so he’s just a foot away from me. He’s close enough that I can smell the familiar scent of him.
