Page 106 of Be Your Anything
My jaw drops. “Are you kidding me right now?” I can’t help the anger that rages through my body like an uncontrollable blaze, like a flame with nothing but gasoline to burn for days. “How can you… You can’t expect for me to have been a mind reader, Rem. The open relationship wasneversomethingIwanted, and youknewthat. You pushed me away at every opportunity, and to put blame on me now is just… It’s so fucking unfair.”
We both sit in silence, our emotions coming to a head.
This conversation has felt directionless, aimless…like we’re both shooting off into the distance hoping to find something that will make either of us feel any better than how we feel now.
Broken.
Defeated.
Betrayed.
We both feel let down by the other. We both feel like we worked so hard and the other person didn’t.
And before we realized it, we crashed.
Now I wonder…is it too late to salvage what’s left of the wreckage? Is it worth it? Or would we both be happier finding something new?
“I know,” she says. “I know that was unfair. I’m sorry I’ve been so all over the place today.”
I shake my head. “No, Remmy, it’s—”
“Lucas,” she interrupts, “I’ve been unfair to you—sounfair—and what I’m going to tell you next is even more difficult.”
There’s a pause, a break before she speaks again. I can feel the ripple in the air around us, filled with her nerves.
“Lucas…I’m pregnant.”
There aren’t any waves to surf this evening, the tide not really giving me anything workable, but I haven’t paid it much attention. Instead, I’ve been enjoying just sitting on my board, the gentle lull of the ocean rocking me up and down.
The feeling I get when my feet hit the first roll of break on the shore, that familiar cool sensation covering my toes…there’s something so refreshing about it.
I float in the ocean for as long as I can without it getting somewhat dangerous, only paddling in with my board once the sky has truly turned dark. I should be more careful, shouldn’t turn this night surfing thing into a habit.
“Is it safe to go surfing so late?”
My eyes search out the voice as I approach my house, my board under my arm, and I find Hannah illuminated where she sits on the first-floor patio, a book in her lap.
I shrug, leaning my board up against the wall leading along the side alley between my house and the neighbor’s. “I wasn’t surfing.”
She laughs. “So what were you doing?”
“Just…thinking.” I tug the zipper down and start to peel out of my wetsuit, the neoprene fabric difficult to remove no matter how experienced you are.
“About?”
I don’t want to tell Hannah, don’t want to hear her sympathy or disappointment. So I brush it off.
“Work.”
I only have the suit halfway off when Hannah surprises me.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, about teaching me to surf?”
I spin around to face her, instantly recognizing that hopeful look in her eyes that never seems to disappear. Even when things are hard, Hannah’s one of those people who never gives up hope.
“Yeah?”
She nods. “Yeah, and I was thinking that…yes, I’d like you to teach me. That it could be something good for us to do…as a family.”
