Page 67 of Promise Me Nothing
The only thing I can do is remind myself of the people whodolove me.
Sienna, who I just talked to.
And Melanie and Lissy, who I haven’t connected with since after her first message letting me know she and Lis made it to New Mexico safely a few weeks ago.
Thinking about them makes me smile, and I pull out my phone to send off a text.
Me: Hey Melanie. I miss you. I hope you and Lissy are settling in at your mom’s place. Give her a hug and a kiss from me. Love you. Call me soon.
And then I put my phone down, intent on watching the sun as it sets in the distance.
A noise behind me has me looking back over my shoulder, a bit startled. But when I see it’s just Lucas coming down the stairs, I let out a relieved breath.
“Hey,” I say as he steps out onto the patio, surprised to see him since he told me earlier that he and Otto were going out tonight. “I thought you were going out with your friend.”
He nods his head and gives me a soft smile before he steps over and sits down on the lounger next to mine. “That was the plan. But then I realized I had something more important I wanted to do.”
“Oh. What’s that?”
“Spend time with my sister.”
The surprise of his statement slams into my chest, nearly knocking the wind out of me.
I turn away and look back at the sun, feeling like looking right at it will give me an excuse as to why my eyes are starting to burn.
Maybe it’s because I’m already emotional. Maybe it’s because I’djustbeen thinking about being lonely, or that coming here might have been a mistake. Or maybe it’s just because hearing someone tell me that I’m a priority is something I’ve needed to hear for so, so,sodamn long.
Regardless, it’s a welcome feeling.
“Is that okay?” he asks, and I can hear a hint of hesitancy in his voice.
As if I might fucking turn him away. I almost laugh at the idea. I turn back to look up at him and give him a small grin. “That’s more than okay. That sounds great.”
Lucas’ smile returns, and then he crosses his legs as he stretches them out on the lounger next to mine.
And then, on a quiet and cool evening, my brother and I watch a sunset together.
That evening, Lucas and I do what you do when you try to get to know someone. We order pizza and watchPlanet Earth.
It’s amazing what you can learn about someone based on how they watch TV. Especially when you choose to watch something as phenomenal and sometimes savage as nature shows.
In between joking with each other and stuffing our faces, as well as making awkward commentary about birds doing mating dances, we actually talk.
When we first started talking to each other a few months ago, we sent a few emails back and forth, which eventually graduated to phone calls. But it was very surface level. Mostly just to make sure he wasn’t some crazy person before I decided to meet him.
We’d talked about his mom, his girlfriend, his house. I’d told him a little bit about school and photography, and webarelyveered into a conversation about dad. But we didn’t hit anything below the surface.
It feels like, now, we’re starting to dip below that. Maybe notsuperfar below. But enough to know that we’re trying to get deeper.
He asks me about what school was like at the community college I went to, about photography and how I got into it. He asks a few questions about Joshua, what he was like. On a different day, I might have been more uncomfortable talking about my dead brother with my new and alive half-brother. But it feels normal.
Especially when I think about the fact that Lucas and Joshua would have been brothers, too.
So I tell him about my brother. About Joshua being a really funny guy, a hard worker, an amazing runner. And it feels good, relishing in the positive memories about a brother that I loved so much.
Loveso much.
Because I will always love him. And always miss him.
