Page 26 of Promise Me Nothing
Old habits die hard, I guess.
I take a few steps out from my awkward place in the corner, heading to the kitchen to fill a glass of water.
“Thirsty?” I ask, glancing over at him as I search through the cabinets for a glass, finally finding them next to the fridge.
“Yeah. Sure.”
I fill up a blue-rimmed glass for him and then one for me. We both take quiet sips from opposite sides of the island.
“So,” I finally say, feeling like I should break the silence and only having one thing on my mind. “Lennon, huh?”
I’m feeling confused based on his reaction to her earlier. He’d seemed pretty clear that he wanted her to take a hike.
He laughs, drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. “Yeah, I know.”
“I mean, I don’t know her at all. And I’m not judging. But you seemed super disinterested earlier today. And I thought you said you have a girlfriend.”
He bobs his head, grits his jaw. “Remmy said she wanted an open relationship while she was at school.” He shrugs, but I can tell he’s irritated. “I don’t normally…” he trails off. “I guess the best way to explain it is…” he pauses again, scratches the bit of stubble growing on his chin. Then, a devious smile comes across his face. “Lennon and I are physically compatible.”
My face flames red.
He’s talking about his sex life.
“Ooooooh, Ms. Morrison. Is someone easily flustered?” he says, his voice teasing.
I cross my arms and narrow my eyes, trying to neutralize my facial expression and failing miserably. “Maybe,” I finally say.
“Nobody gave you the uncomfortable sex talk huh?” he says, laughing slightly.
I know he’s joking, but I shake my head. “My friend Sienna always had something… interesting to say to me that kept me adequately informed. But I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff at the places I used to live growing up.”
His smile drops. “Oh. I guess I didn’t really… think about that. That you didn’t have someone to talk to. About life.”
I lift a shoulder. “It wasn’t so bad.”
Lucas’ jaw tightens again, and a part of me thinks he knows I’m lying. But it’s still too early to share those pieces of me, the bits that I try to shove down deep and ignore whenever possible.
That’s if I decide to talk to him about it at all.
“I just feel like… I could have done something.” He looks at the marble on the island. “So you weren’t alone.”
I reach across the island and place my hand over his, the move seeming to surprise him.
If I’m honest, it surprises me, too.
But there’s something in his expression that makes me feel like this is the only way I can convince him that he isn’t to blame for my shitty circumstances.
“It isn’t your fault,” I say. “Life just happens sometimes. Things aren’t fair. And yeah, it sucked to basically be alone and on my own for so long. But I’m okay. Or… I’m at leastmostlyokay. You couldn’t have known or done anything different.”
Lucas takes a deep breath, something shuddering inside of him. Something painful.
It makes me want to give him a hug – another surprise – but I stay where I am.
Lucas’ head drops forward and he rubs his nose, his eyes squinted shut. Then he looks up at me.
“I’m going to make sure you’re never alone again, okay? I promise.”
I give him a soft smile, appreciating the sentiment. I truly do want to believe what he says. But I can’t help that the whisper of doubt stays ever-present, like a bug hovering near my ear that I can’t manage to swat away, no matter how hard I try.
