Page 123 of Promise Me Nothing
I set down my wine glass and stretch my length on the couch, pulling Wyatt on top of me. The weight of him something warm and comforting as he settles between my legs.
My hands go into his hair, twirling through his strands as our tongues dance and thrust and our bodies move. He makes me feel so sexy, and my body heat level rises as we continue to kiss and moan and touch.
But eventually, I feel like something’s wrong.
When I reach my hand down between us, he twists his fingers through mine. When I press against him, he shifts his hips slightly away. It feels like he’s subtly rebuking my inexperienced attempts to move us further, and it starts to whittle away at my confidence.
Maybe he’s just appeasing me. Maybe he doesn’t feel the same about my body as I do his.
The choking feeling it creates inside of me becomes almost overwhelming, until I can’t continue to kiss him for fear that I’ll cry into his mouth.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, pulling back, the concern on his face so intense. “Are you okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m just…” I roll out from under him. “I think I’m gonna go home.” I walk over to the door, picking up my shoes and preparing to tug them back on.
“Hannah…” His voice trails off, and when I look over, I see him sitting on the couch, his elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging forward.
“It’s okay, Wyatt. You don’t have to explain.” I shoulder my backpack. “Can you unlock your car so I can get out my bike?”
“Don’t go,” he says. “Please. I want you here.”
My shoulders drop, but I stay silent.
I don’t know how I feel right now. Confused, I guess. Because after our previous encounters, tonight feels like he’s trying to push me away. So I don’t understand how he can really mean that.
He stands and makes his way over to me, taking my backpack off and dropping it to the floor. Then he takes my face in his hands. It’s a move that normally makes me feel so treasured. But in this moment? I don’t know.
“I want you here, with me. More than you could possibly imagine.”
“Then… what was wrong?” I whisper, my eyes unable to look directly in his for fear of what I’ll see. I know rejection all too well, and I’m not ready to see it from him.
He dips his head so his eyes are in line with mine. “I just have something on my mind, is all. And…” he pauses. “And I worry that we’re moving to fast for you.”
My cheeks flush. “Is it that obvious?”
He grins, kisses my nose. “It’s not a bad thing to have these things be new, Hannah. It’s a little intimidating, but it isn’t bad.”
I scrunch my brows together as his hands drop from my face, his fingers linking with mine.
“Why is it intimidating foryou? You know what you’re doing.”
Wyatt laughs, and while my first reaction is to feel like he’s laughing at me, the clear affection shining in his eyes allows that thought to drift away just as quickly as it came.
“Do you have any idea what I feel when I look at you? How enraptured I am with you? I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you that perfect first time. That you’ll regret me someday.” He lifts a shoulder. “It’s a lot of pressure, and I don’t want to disappoint you.”
It blows my mind that he was thinking something like that. That he would even wonder how I felt. My entire experience with men and sex has been them taking what they want without question. Grabbing, groping, touching, shouting.
The idea that he’s thinking so much about me?
It brings in a new emotion I think I’m not ready to name. Something I’ve never said to anyone. An emotion meant only for the closest people in life. Something I haven’t put a word to since Joshua died eleven years ago.
“The fact you care enough to… even think about that…” I trail off, shaking my head. “It means everything to me.”
He leans down and presses his lips to mine. “And you mean everything to me,” he whispers. “There’s no rush for something this important.”
I feel so much better, having gotten this conversation out of the way. Now, I don’t have to worry about some secret that I’m keeping from him.
So I nod, lifting up to kiss him again.
