Page 38 of Promise Me Nothing
She laughs and shakes her head. “We’re always constantly trying to find ourselves, aren’t we?” she asks. “It’s a process that never ends.”
“Well, my process took me to San Francisco.”
“And did you find yourself there?”
I pause, wondering the best way to say it. How do I tell her that instead of trying to find myself, I lost myself in someone else? Or, I guess, the plural of that. In the manysomeonesof San Francisco.
I left because I wanted to get away from the drama with my family. I stayed because I wanted to piss off my father. And I left because the enjoyment I got out of being there dwindled enough that I knew it was time to try and find something new. But the reason I came home instead of going somewhere new? That’s a completely different story.
“I didn’t, though I wish I had. I left to escape the drama in my family. It was just supposed to be a vacation. A few months to try something different. But when that time had passed, I realized I’d created a little life for myself that I enjoyed. So I thought I’d stick it out.” I shrug, deciding to stay vague about why I’ve returned. “And then at some point, I just realized it wasn’t for me anymore.”
“I wish I could have confidence like that,” she says.
“What do you mean?”
She shakes her head and a piece of her twisty hairdo falls out. Absentmindedly, she tucks it back behind her ear. “Well, I’m kind of doing that by being here. Though I guess I didn’t come to get away from family. I came to find it. I’ve only been here for two days and I already feel like I should just go back home. But I’m hoping I can just… I don’t know, be stronger or happier or more courageous in putting myself out there. I want to belong somewhere and…” she laughs. “Sorry, getting a little too deep there.”
I only kind of understand what she means, but I can tell she’s emotional about it, regardless.
“What’s keeping you from just giving up and going back?” I ask, hoping that her relationship with her family is enough to keep her here, at least long enough for me to spend a little more time with her.
She smiles, though that same sadness sits in the back of her eyes. “Well, there isn’t really a home to go back to.”
My brow furrows, but before I can say anything else, the door to the patio opens and Ivy comes waltzing out and over to us.
Sorry. Stupid dad was being stupid.
I laugh, and so does Pier Girl.
Ivy looks at me.Dad wants to talk to you, too. I’m supposed to grab you and take you back.
I roll my eyes, then look to Pier Girl.His highness beckons,I say, my sarcasm evident in my facial expressions.You wanna come back in or are you going to stay out here?
I’ll come in with you,she signs. Then she looks at Ivy.Maybe I’ll even bid on that boat, huh?
Ivy giggles as the three of us walk back into the dining area, the rush of conversational noise smacking us squarely in the nose.
Dad’s over there,Ivy says, pointing in the direction of the stage where my father is currently holding court, his child bride standing next to him.
I look back at Ivy.Well, let’s go talk to him.
But Ivy shakes her head.No way. I already had to talk to him. It’s your turn. I’m gonna hang out with Hannah.
Something registers in my mind when she says that, and my eyes flick up to look at the beautiful woman who is watching us both.
Hannah.
But before the thought can fully form, I hear my name called out. I look over and see my mother giving me a small wave.
I’ll find you two in a little bit,I tell the girls.
Then I head over to where my father and Krissa are talking with my mother.
Exactly the situation I want to join in on.
Awesome.
When I reach my mother’s side, my father extends a hand, which I ignore, instead crossing my arms.
